Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

The Invention of Funnel Cake (A Black Tar Heroin Filled Confection)

6/24/17 Game

Important Notes:

Session Funnies:
Ted: There are rumors of trolls to the southwest.
Pranav: It’s the spider troll god and its clockwork minions!

Ted: People are going fucking wild over your cake.
Alex: It was filled with the finest black tar heroin.
Ted: I was going to say you invented funnel cake, but that’s maybe the same thing.

Alex: Everything is bigger in Texas. that was not a dick joke. Though it could have been.

Ted: U2 has an abandoned ferry.
Gina: And some terrible music.

Ted: What do you do with this message, Alex?
Alex: I shoot fireworks into the air!
Kevin: Adventurers Assemble

Ted: Kevin, I have a job for you.
Outside the house: KRACKOOOOM!!
Kevin: It’s a very dramatic job.

Gina: 16 peasants!? That’s a lot of peasants!
Patrick: We paid a lot of money for this farm!

Ted: Kevin, you don’t have to draw the buildings along the edges of each hex. You can just draw a rectangle!
Kevin: No. These are the rectangles that my OCD demands.
Alex: Kevin, you were 8 minutes late. You have to draw a rectangle.
Kevin: I refuse. I reject your rectangle and substitute my own.

Kevin looking at the miniatures : There are a lot of bar wenches in this town.
Alex: Why is there a little kid in the bar with the wenches?
Patrick: This is a French farm.

Alex: Why are Kevin’s whores working in the mines?
Kevin: Because they’re strip miners!
Alex and Kevin gleeful fistbump

Ted: One tears a panel off the wagon.
Kevin: A panel?? what kind of wagon is this? a station wagon?

Alex: Kevin, you had me on the wrong hex.
Kevin: You had me at Hello!

Kevin: Mr. Gorbachev’s villagers, tear down this village!

Kevin: Robots hate the living.


Quest Hooks:

  • Robot Uprising – some villagers found a ruin near Thornfall. They left it alone, but they spotted someone (possibly Mayanda) near it recently. We should go check it out.
  • Several of the southern locations have monsters that need dealing with eventually

Notable Locations:

  • U2 – has an abandoned ferry
  • V2 – some sort of lair of a ferocious beast thing that the explorers didn’t want to get involved with
  • Q2 – the explorers had to run for their lives because they got chased by a leucrotta


  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova – second day at the fortress, depart for Thornfall; rains
  • 19 Rova – rare supernatural weather – clockwork clouds. Someone somewhere thinks it is a sign and becomes a servant of Brigh.
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town; party arrives in Thornfall; spiderweb clouds! +1 unrest, because people are disturbed
  • 21 – 30 Rova – downtime
  • 1-7 Lamashan – Kingdom Turn 7
  • 8 – 31 Lamashan – 3 weeks of downtime
  • 1 -7 Neth – Kingdom Turn 8 and Shelynion’s Birthday Festival – Outstanding Success!
  • 8 Neth – The Robot Uprising Has Begun

Game Notes:

The party returns to town. On the way, we see some massive clockwork clouds in the sky. Someone somewhere thinks it is a sign and becomes a servant of Brigh. Krankor also thinks it’s a sign and begins proselytizing for Brigh when we return.

The day we arrive, spiderweb clouds are seen in the sky. People are disturbed and we experience +1 unrest.

We hear rumors that trolls have been seen in the Southwest.

The explorers set out that week once again, and we remain in Thornfall to rule. We decide to stay for 3 weeks of downtime, and then we rule again. During the downtime, Lauresselin researches three new spells, and Resist, Lauresselin, and Lumiriel all spend a bunch of time scribing spells. The explorers return with some reports, and then go back out for their third and final month of exploration.

As the king’s birthday is this month, the party decides to hold a festival at the Sycamore in his honor (he wasn’t here, so he didn’t get a vote on the matter). The festival is a resounding success. Krankor creates a masterpiece, a massive cake that feeds everyone in the kingdom. We gain 6 BP out of this, so it is a truly astounding cake. It might or might not be filled with heroin. Or it could just be really amazing funnel cake. Those are basically the same things.

Following the festival, a runner approaches Krankor, sent by legionaries with an emergency report. A nearby farm reports that metal creatures have appeared and they need immediate assistance. Krankor shoots dancing lights into the sky, and the Avengers – I mean Adventurers assemble.

We arrive and wreck some metal spider swarms. Lauresselin is mad because she couldn’t get into position to use her awesome new spell. However, we successfully manage to save all of the villagers.

The farmers don’t know what happened. 2 months ago, when they were first building the farms, they uncovered a ruined structure, but they were concerned by it. So they built their farm somewhere else and left it alone. They intended to notify us but hadn’t gotten around to it. Interestingly, the livestock is completely untouched. The robots weren’t actually attacking the villagers. The damage is all to objects and structures. They were just scavenging for materials.

The villagers tell us that the ruin is made of a weird material they couldn’t identify. It is dome-shaped but with big flat panels on it. It was sealed, and they didn’t unseal it.

One of the kids says that he doesn’t know if any of the other kids tried to unseal it – there were some dares passed around, but no one was gutsy enough to do it. But he did see a woman with purple hair and weird skin wandering around in the field. It may have been Mayanda, or someone who looks a lot like her. This was about a week ago.

Krankor examines the robots – some are REALLY old and some are brand new. We decide we should investigate this ruin, because the robot uprising has begun.


chandrak ginamartin

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