Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

Buildings (Like Brothels)

5/20/17 Game

Important Notes:

Session Funnies:
Kevin: She doesn’t have a boob window?
Ted: No.
Gina: Boob windows are stupid. They are really good places to stick a sword. … Which is not a dick joke.

Ted: It’s much much bigger than you.
Alex: It’s not as big as my Diplomacy.
Gina: That WAS a dick joke.

Patrick: We need to disguise Krankor as its MATE to lure it into a false sense of security!
Alex: You don’t need to disguise me. I’m just that attractive.

Ted: Well, you are good at cooking things.
Alex: I don’t want to have a bun in the oven.

Ted: It could be your magnum opus! Cooking YOURSELF up and serving yourself as a meal!
Alex: Would I get a grit point for that?

Ted: Spending grit points to dodge attacks with a fork!
Alex: It IS a melee weapon!

Patrick: I cheat by coming back to life!
Ted: As a pixie, 100 years later, and a completely different gender?
Alex: My penis! It’s gone!

Ted: It was on its last legs. It’s dead now.
Gina: It’s a snake. It doesn’t have legs.
Kevin: It doesn’t anymore!

Gina: You could hit the one that Lumiriel is attacking.
Alex: I don’t know her yet. I don’t like her.
Gina: She’s purple.
Alex: It’s because she’s friends with that ELF WENCH.

Alex: That’s a 25 for snake cooking. It’s fucking delicious.

Ted: I thought it was strange that they required the foundry to be on the water.
Kevin: You have to dump your industrial waste somewhere!

Kevin: I just heard Patchwork Rhino. I don’t know what they are but I want one!

Gina: Aurelimar feels ashamed that he rolled so badly.
Kevin: As a Swift Action?
Gina: No, feeling ashamed is an Immediate Action.

Ted: Patrick eventually will be building a headquarters for the Legion of Skittering Dragons.
Gina: In the sewers!
Ryan: Do you want an adventurer problem? Because that’s how you get an adventurer problem!

Pranav: Can I build a ninja clan in the sewers?
Ted: Yes. The Foot Clan can absolutely be a thing.

Gina: Extraplanar prostitutes. That’s what this entire conversation is about.

Alex: Kevin only hires level 6 Paladins who are immune to disease.
Pranav: Just don’t skip out on the bill.
Kevin: Oh yeah. Don’t. Or you will be SMOTE.

Kevin: Alex, would you eventually be willing to outfit my prostitutes with cybernetics?

Kevin: I’m totally schmoozing.
Ted: Promoting the cause!
Gina: The cause of opening a brothel.
Kevin: The BEST cause!

Alex: She hates you so much that she calls you Ishiguro.


Quest Hooks:

  • Tatzlwrym – complete!

Notable Locations:

  • V – nothing
  • U – Tatzlwyrm
  • N – resource – old growth oak
  • O – nothing


  • 3 Desnus – Party leaves to go exploring and arrives in Hex V
  • 4 – 5 Desnus – Exploring Hex V
  • 6 – 7 Desnus – Exploring U, fight with Tatzlwyrm
  • 8 – 9 Desnus – Exploring N (thunderstorm on second day)
  • 10 – 11 Desnus – Exploring O
  • 14 Desnus – Arrival in Torch to turn in Tatzlwrym
  • 15 Desnus – Arrival in Thornfall
  • 16 – 22 Desnus – Kingdom Week – turn 2
  • 22 – 31 Desnus – 3 weeks of Downtime
  • 1 – 7 Sarenith – kingdom turn 3
  • 8 – 30 Sarenith – 3 weeks of Downtime
  • 1-7 Erastus – kingdom turn 4 – Varia party at the Inn; Resist’s birthday
  • 8 – 31 Erastus – 3 weeks of Downtime. Krankor’s restaurant begins to be built

Game Notes:
Since half the group was running late, the party decided to go exploring at the beginning of Desnus rather than doing the kingdom turn right away. So, we gather up all of our new cohorts (Oxzig for Pyria and Lumiriel for Lauresselin) and head to the forest to explore. Hex V is really boring and has nothing in it.
Hex U, however, is home to 3 tatzlwryms with a lair in the middle of a small stream. The now extremely large party tears into them and kills them. Krankor decapitates them and prepares their heads for transport. One is to be delivered to Oleg, per his bounty, and Pyria claims another one for her planned trophy room at the Legion of Skittering Dragons’ headquarters, to be built soon. King Shelynion claims the third for the Adventurers’ Guild he plans to build eventually.
Hex N has stands of old-growth oaks, which the kingdom can use as a resource when it expands that far. We hide from a thunderstorm… somewhere. Krankor works his survival magic.
Hex O also has nothing, and at this point everyone is present, so the party heads back to Torch to turn in the head.
While we are there, Lauresselin and Resist go to question Kressle about the green glass crystals. After some elaborate setup, Resist asks her about them, and she says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. So Lauresselin pulls one out. It shatters, and the image of a woman appears briefly, and then Kressle collapses. Resist and Lauresselin examine her and determine that she’s fine, but she’s had her memory wiped up to the point that she joined the bandits. The crystal was some sort of scrying foci, and Kressle was probably under some kind of geas. She did not know that she was carrying it around. The person using it COULD have been the same person who scried on us in the forest, but it is impossible to tell from the information we have.

Krankor sits down with her, now that her banditry ways have been erased from her mind, and manages to get her friendly to him. The King decrees that just because she can’t remember being a bandit does not alleviate her punishment, so Krankor works out with him and Dolga and Oskah a community service program. Resist sets his trainee ninjas to tail her as practice, with the stipulation that if she sees them, she gets to kick their butts.

We then return to Thornfall and do our actual jobs.

At this point, the party decides that we all have things we want to work on in downtime, and we do not want to lose a lot of resources while adventuring, and we don’t have sufficient buildings yet to hire managers, so for the next two months, we remain in Thornfall, working on the kingdom and on our various projects.

At the start of the 4th kingdom turn, Varia comes to talk to Shelynion with a proposal to build a manor quarter for us and the various nobles with us. She is willing to invest half the cost herself. We spend a pleasant evening talking with her and find that she likes moon radishes (Krankor cooks some amazing moon radish soup). We generally find out that she is a nice person, that she may have had some martial training at some point, and that she is most likely what she says she is – a noblewoman looking for a new life. Shelynion agrees to her proposal for the manor.

Downtime Plans:
Krankor is working on a restaurant.
Pyria is working on a headquarters for the LSD.
Resist is working on establishing his spy network.
Ishri is working on a brothel.
Lauresselin is working on a forge and tower for crafting magical items.
Shelynion is working on being king and also a bard.


chandrak ginamartin

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