Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

Kobolds Love Radishes

4/8/17 Game

Important Notes:
Travel speed:
We can cross on foot a plains hex in 5 hours, any other in 8, assuming we’re going straight
If we are exploring a hex on foot, it takes 1 day for plains, 2 for forest and hills, and 3 for others.
Each hex contains something, but it may not be something we can find automatically. Others we have to be looking for. Then there are things that are hidden
Mounted (including the rhino) we get 3 for a plains hex, any other is 6

Session Funnies:
Alex: Ted and Andy are the ones in a relationship, but Kevin is like the old fling that’s slowly coming back.
Ted: What?

Gina: The cranberry orange cookies are better than the banana ones!
Kevin: You’re wrong.
Gina: We can agree to disagree.
Kevin: No, we can’t.
Ted: Your opinions are bad and you should feel bad.

Pranav: My deity is not evil. Just misunderstood!

Gina: Someone has to make dinner, Alex has to let the dog out, Ryan has-
Kevin: Who let the dogs out?

Alex: Last time on Dragon Ball Z, I fired my first shot and EPICALLY FAILED.
Ryan: I got set on fire and stop-dropped-and-rolled.

Kevin: It’s highly mutagenic goo, so Alex went and drank it!

Kevin: Ryan was a little TOO lawful for the party’s good.

Ted to Pranav: You’re using Profession(Barrister), not Diplomacy.
Kevin: I can’t be in a party with a lawyer.

Pranav: Right now I’m playing Good Cop, with potentially LOTS of Bad Cops.

Alex: Bandits, and a Laser Raptor.
Kevin: Laser Spider. Laser Raptors are a little higher CR.

Ryan: Birds. Gotta watch out for the birds.
Alex: F*** you, bird hater!

Kevin: I think we should rename these characters Olaf and Golbez.

Alex: Ryan is speaking to us from BEYOND THE CAN.
Ted: That’s kind of disturbing. Did he fall in?

Ted: Kesten wants the capture of a man named Falgren Sneeg
Kevin: That’s the name of a bad guy if I ever heard one.

Ryan: Oh, I didn’t know he was a gnome!
Alex: Well, now you gnome.
Kevin: The more you gnome!
Alex: And gnoming is half the battle!
Ryan sigh

Alex: Maybe he’ll want to keep the suit?
Pranav: There’s a hole in the suit.
Gina: A really BIG hole.
Alex: It allows him to poop without taking it off!
Gina: The hole is in the chest. Most creatures don’t poop out of their chests.
Kevin: But bleached gnomes are fancy!

Patrick: When we invite the kobolds to the kingdom, they can be radish farmers! We will teach them the secrets of radish farming!

Oskah - The Quest Giver - a middle aged human woman with tanned skin. She is in charge of the smelteries. She keeps a bounty board in her office
Kressle – female axe-wielding leader of the bandits bothering Torch; she wears one of the Stag Lord’s amulets and is an unrepentant bandit; violent and disagreeable; in prison in Torch
Terrek – a gnome terrorist gunslinger; a bandit who wears one of the Stag Lord’s amulets, deceased
The Stag Lord – leader of a collection of unusually organized bandits; a monster of a man who calls himself the Stag Lord. He’s a great shot with a bow and really strong. He has a creepy stag helmet he always wears

Quest Hooks:

  • Temple – There’s some kind of ruined temple place west of the bandit camp – the bandits have been too chicken to go investigate because there’s some kind of monster guarding it, but they assume there’s treasure there. The monster is like a giant bear
  • Kobolds – Sometimes the kobolds mill around a couple of miles SW of town; caves are a fair ways south, they’re not sure where exactly – bounty from Oskah, find their lair and ensure that they are not going to continue to be a threat
  • Mites – a band of mites have infested the old sycamore, a giant tree way to the south; they robbed the bandits who were robbing the town
  • Tatzlwyrm – a bounty from Oleg – he wants an undamaged head as a trophy for his tavern
  • Tuskgutter – a giant boar creature – one of the local hunters, who is retired, lost his leg to the thing, he promises masterwork longbow and special arrows to anyone who manages to kill him; he’ll share the headcheese!
  • Moon radishes – a request from Svetlana for some moon radishes (also known as radish melons) COMPLETE
  • Falgrim Sneeg – Kesten the Layabout posted one for the capture of a man named Falgrim Sneeg; if we bring him alive, we get 4 masterwork weapons of our choice. Falgrim robbed Kesten and ran off into the Greenbelt. That’s part of why Kesten is here
  • TREASURE!! – We have a treasure map for treasure probably near H. Northeast of the sycamore, where there aren’t many trees around, there are a few other trees like the one in the map; there’s a story going around about a bandit who hid a bunch of loot from the stag lord and got executed, may be this (he robbed a wizard)
  • Wedding Ring – Svetlana is missing her wedding ring; May be with the Stag Lord, or it could be with the mites
  • Bandits – Oskah posted a bounty to capture or kill at least 6 bandits. We’ve completed this one, but Oskah has to send away to Restov for our reward.

    Notable Locations:
    H. We find an elephant graveyard (it’s not actually elephants). There’s a lot of animal bones. We killed a spider. There’s probably treasure from the treasure map nearby

    Game Notes:
    Resist questions the bandit. He is not interested in dying for Haps (who is dead), so he is willing to talk. Their camp is a day’s travel without stopping to the southwest of here. Their group is led by a woman named Kressle, who is violent and thuggish. There were a dozen plus Haps and Kressle and Terrek, including those that are dead. The spider bot belonged to a gnome terrorist guy, Terrek, who scavenged it from one of the ruins off to the west. There’s a couple of watch towers, and that’s about it.

All the guy knows about the amulet is that Haps and Kressle wear them, and that’s it. The stag skull isn’t a major religion or cult or anything like that, so we’ve never heard of it.
Meanwhile, Pyria catches the bandits’ 4 horses.

Pyria asks Dolga to put together some kind of jail to keep the bandit for a week or so, then we might brand him and release him, or enlist him as a part of our kingdom, depending on whether or not he is repentant.

Oleg gives us some rewards, and offers to buy the bandit gear at full price, and offers to let us stay and feed us free of charge. Oleg takes Shelynion aside and mentions that there are some additional troubles that the town is having, if we are going to stick around. We should visit Smeltrunner Oskah.

We divide up the loot. Pyria took the composite +2 longbow, and Lauresselin takes a longsword. The rest of the bandit gear we sell to Oleg.

Lauresselin and Ishri ask around about kobolds and mites and learn the following:  sometimes the kobolds mill around a couple of miles SW of town; their caves are a fair ways south, but the villagers aren’t where exactly. The mites have infested the old sycamore, a giant tree way to the south.

Meanwhile, Shelynion goes to see Oskah. Oskah has portable forges on mine carts outside her office near the top of the hill. She is a middle aged human woman with tanned skin. She has a bounty board in her office which features a number of bounties from people living in the area around Torch. She thanks us for dealing with the bandits. She also has a bounty for the rest of the bandits. She is dubbed The Quest Giver.

Once we’ve written down all the quests we can look into, we leave for the bandit camp. Shelynion wants to strike them fast, before they have a chance to get suspicious or run off. We’re now all mounted on horses, a pony, and a rhino. We plan to skirt the edge of the forest and then hit the bandits from the east.

On the way, we find Location H. We find an elephant graveyard (it’s not actually elephants). There’s a lot of animal bones. There’s a giant spider poking out of a hole in the ground, which we kill. As a note, we need to invest in antitoxin! In the spider’s lair is a dead bandit with a stag lord amulet, and he has a small scrap of paper, with a picture of a dead tree on top of a hill, with an X in blood on its tree roots (a treasure map).

The hex south of H has caves ©. Maybe kobolds?

When we arrive near the bandit camp, Krankor scouts. There are two bandits missing, but there’s a bunch of crates of stuff in the camp. Shelynion and Pyria go in to demand surrender. When they won’t, we take out their leaders, and the rest surrender.

Questioning the bandits:
The bandits were out here as part of an organized effort of bandits to comb the area for spoils, and bring them back to a central location. Their boss is a monster of a man who calls himself the Stag Lord. He’s a great shot with a bow and really strong. He has a creepy stag helmet he always wears (one of the bandits think it IS his face). Kressle has some reason to be very loyal to the stag lord. The bandits tell us where to find him, and that it’s hard keeping track of who works for him, so there’s a master phrase as a sort of password – unless it’s been changed, it’s: “by the bloody bones of st. gilmore, who wants to know?” But Kressle won’t tell us anything about him.

The stag lord apparently loves this herbal liquor stuff we found, and it was intended for him. Also, the mites broke into their camp recently and stole some of their loot (not much that was valuable, but still).

Then we head back to town. 5 of them are repentant and two of them plus Kressle are not. They all get locked up in Dolga’s jail. Oskah has to send information to Brevoy for us to get paid for that bounty.

We spend a day in Torch while Lauresselin writes a spell and learns a new spell. Then we set out to scout the area around Torch.

G. We meet some Sootscale kobolds in a moon radish patch. We buy radishes from them in exchange for two iron pots. They REALLY LOVE RADISHES, GUYS.


chandrak ginamartin

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