Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

Giant Rhino Game of Fetch

4/2/17 Game

Important notes: Ted – look up crafting rules about levels and other details, in particular for making a Banner of Ancient Kings for Shelynion.

Session Funnies:

Alex: We should order one pizza from Dominos and one from Pizza Hut and see which arrives first!
Ted: I’m just imaging a Snow Crash duel out there with katanas!

Alex: Patrick’s and my characters are now dating for sexy cutscenes.
Kevin: BAM.
Alex: Krankor laugh

Patrick: Can we move the table so Alex doesn’t have to scoot in?
Alex: You’re a black belt, do a flip.
Patrick moves table
Alex: You know, it’s really hard to type when the keyboard keeps moving away.
Patrick: You’re a black belt, do a flip.

Alex: Last time on Dragon Ball Z, we met a guy, found some Numerian fluid, I drank Numerian fluid, got super high, and my STATS ARE AWESOME.
Ryan: All for drinking poop water
Gina: Is that BECAUSE you’re high?
Alex: I DON’T KNOW.

Patrick: He has more wisdom from getting high than I do from 100 lifetimes.

Alex: I want an orc bard who carries around a church organ.

Alex: He got disowned for being a Babyback Bitch.

Alex: He knocked up a chambermaid.
Ryan: That doesn’t seem like the sort of thing a noble house would disown you for.
Kevin: Maybe the chambermaid was an orc.
Ted: That does seem to be going around in this group.
Alex: Don’t mess with my half orc sister Brunhilda!

Kevin: Is my character’s name correct?
Patrick: Dang it, it corrected to Ishiguro again!
Kevin: That’s not my name!
Ted: Too bad, Kevin, it is now.

Alex: Do you think the Numerian Fluid will hurt coming out?

Ted to Alex: “Are you a scavenger?”
Gina: HE’S A CROW.
Ted: Yeah, it came out really racist.

Alex: You're crow-cist.

Alex: Come along, Brunhilda.
Patrick: Calling me by the wrong name isn’t going to get me into bed with you, man.

Ted: My brain just processed your ability as birdsong.
Kevin: Yes, he points at Alex and says, “SING
Patrick: In the Krankor voice.
Ted: That’s horrifying.

Gina: So you can tie your banner to your spear! …Which is not a euphemism.
Kevin: But it SHOULD be.

Ted: Her kids have jobs, and lives.
Kevin: But NOT FOR LONG.

Alex to Ryan: Are you like a big game hunter?
Ted: …You’re adventurers.

Alex: I’m from Marinara.
Ted: Numeria.

Alex: Shell Onion.
Ryan: Shelynion.
Kevin: It’s too late. That ship has sailed. You’re Shell Onion.
Alex: Medivh Shell Onion.
Kevin: Other way around. Shell Onion Medivh.
Alex: You’re right.

Ted: Haps critically failed his intelligence check.
Alex: He’s been hitting the Numerian Fluid too.

Alex: I shoot his ass.
Kevin: Well, now he’s got some extra junk in his trunk.

Alex: He’s got a lead bullet in his gut. The lead poisoning is going to travel up his bloodstream to his heart and kill him.
Ted: Unless he becomes Iron Man first!

Alex: Don’t destroy the spider! I want it an awesome pet!
Patrick: My giant rhino mount has FETCH.
Alex: That means if it’s anything like Shosty, it’ll be destroyed anyway.

Kevin: To join a grapple, the first thing you do is have the announcer play your intro music.

Alex: I’m going to put it on my pony.
Gina: You had a donkey.
Alex: I have a pony!
Gina: It’s increasing in size every session! Three sessions from now you’ll have-
Kevin: A rhino!

Final Character List:
Pranav: Resist, LN Tiefling Theurge, Male
Alex: Krankor, TN Tengu Gunblade, Male
Patrick: Pyria, LN Tiefling Cavalier, Female
Kevin: Ishri, CG Half Elf Summoner, Female
Ryan: Shelynion Medveyn, LN Human Bard, Male
Gina: Lauresselin Simarith, NG Elf Wizard, Female (plus Aurelimar Simiarth, male NG Elf Expert, her husband)

NPCs:
Kesten Garess the Layabout – he is a member of House Garess and has been disowned but no one knows why. Rumor says it was knocking up the wrong person, but this is likely just a story.
Garret Burrwaddle – a bleachling gnome. He is extremely depressed and generally detached from society and other people.

Quest Hooks:

  • Tribe of kobolds in the area
  • Tribe of mites in the area
  • Big scrap heap is located a few days west of town

    Game notes:
    At the start of the game, we make a basic plan for dealing with the bandits, who will arrive the next day. Then we all split up to do things that afternoon/evening.

    A. Tavern

Shelynion goes to the tavern with Resist and Ishri to listen.
Local trading is mostly in furs and hunting-type raw materials. Almost all caravans go to Restov and New Stetvan. They don’t grow a lot of food – it mostly is brought in via Oleg’s place.
In addition to the bandits, there is a tribe of kobolds and a tribe of mites that are bothering the town too. The bandits have been more organized lately than they had been previously. There have been sightings of some guy that dresses in animal bones and calls himself the stag lord. Some of the bandits wear silver amulets that have a stag skull on it. There is rumor that they may be part of a cult.

B. Junkyard and Smithy

Krankor goes to the junkyard with Pyria.
Junkmaster Garret is a super depressed bleached out Bleachling gnome. He’s also racist against birds. He buys salvage and will sell parts and ammunition. He can also identify mechanical things if we find them.
Krankor asks about salvage sites – Garret told him that there’s a big scrap heap a few days west of town. He also admitted that the bandits are bothering him too – Oleg sells stuff out of the village that he constructs out of the junk and salvage, and the bandits are demanding a cut of his profits as well.
Then, Pyria goes to talk to the forgemaster, Dolga, about the possibility of forging weapons and armor, ostensibly to help with bandits. She does not mention the possibility of kingdom building or settling out here. Dolga is open to forging weapons to arm the villagers to handle the bandits

C. Water Purifier and Fort

Lauresselin goes to investigate the water purifier. Most of the details are above her, but she gets a general idea of how it worked. Then she goes back to the fort to examine where to set up the ambush for the next day, and to talk to Val. Val agrees to help out in the fight. She is a wizard of sorts, and her father’s apprentice.

The next morning, we get up super early before dawn. We gather up some fake loot for the bandits. Val, Aurelimar, Ishri, and Lauresselin all hide at the top of two of the towers. Ishri’s eidolon hides at the base of one of the towers. Krankor hides amidst the bundles of “loot”. Resist hides behind the door of the tavern. Pyria gets on her mount and sits around a corner (there’s no hiding for a giant rhino monster thing). Shelynion stands out in the open at the back of the courtyard. Oleg lends him his +1 Flaming Longspear, for this fight only.

Haps and 4 bandits (all human) show up leading horses. Haps and Shelynion talk briefly, and Haps fails his intelligence check to realize what’s going on despite Shelynion’s complete unconvincing attempts to get him to come inside without actually lying to him. They all come inside, plus a weird dog-sized mechanical spider, which is like a weird golem that doesn’t use magic. Apparently they’re not terribly uncommon in Numeria and are often owned by high ranking technological people.

Shelynion asks what they’re here for, and Haps says “LET ME SHOW YOU” and points a remote at him and pushes a button. The spider thing attacks, and then the ambush begins. One bandit tries to run away, but Ishri kills him. One bandit is captured via a sleep spell and Resist’s use of rope. Shelynion does get set on fire and nearly dies, but Resist uses his super evil healing spell and fixes the problem. The rest of the bandits and Haps die, and then we play a game of fetch with the spider. Apparently Pyria’s giant rhino monster is capable of fetch. Krankor tries to turn it off, but it doesn’t work. Then he tries to take out the power source, but it blows up in his face. Surprise!

We loot the bandits. Haps had a silver amulet with a stag skull on it, like the villagers described.

He also had a green glass crystal shard – we see a flash of an image of a beautiful woman with smooth skin in it, but it’s gone really quickly. The crystal does not register as magic.

We have one prisoner – one of the bandits was asleep and took 4 points of damage from the spider blowing up.

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