Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

A Tale of Two Show-Offs

4/22/17 Game

Important Notes:
The climate here is kind of like in Boston – winters can be quite cold and summers can be quite warm. It’s currently March (very early spring)
Aurelimar is looking for work in Torch as a scribe. He can make Profession checks periodically to earn a small amount of money.

Session Funnies:
Alex: What alignment is Brigh?
Ted: I think she’s Awful Neutral – Lawful, I mean.
Kevin: She’s Awful at being Neutral.

Alex: I’ll perform maintenance on my pistol every morning.
Kevin: It’s not really maintenance.
Alex: That was a dick joke.

Gina: Kevin, do you have Spellcraft?
Alex: My pony’s name is Spellcraft.

Ted: You find the body of two adventurers who were not nearly as lucky as Kevin to be able to cast Summon (Chump Blockers).

Alex: Oh, I thought you said it was a potion of DETECT Evil. Like you rub it on things to see if they’re evil!
Ted: It’s the pregnancy test strip of Detect Evil. “Here, will you go pee on this for me?”

Kevin: I’m weaker than a badger.
Gina: I have a 6 strength. What’s that?
Kevin: That’s the same as a pixie! The description is “knocked off balance by swinging something heavy!”

Patrick: Your pony is a normal pony.
Alex: Hey, my pony is named Charlie and is a fucking amazing pony.
Kevin: I thought his name was Spellcraft.
Alex: Oh yeah, I changed it. I forget it every five minutes.

Alex: So you’re telling me that all these mites watched us fight the centipede, watched Patrick strip a dead guy of armor, strip his own clothes off, and put on the armor, all for 10 minutes?
Ted: Yes!
Kevin: They’re like “This is incredible – what do you think they’ll do next?”

Ted: And there’s a sack under the table.
Ryan: Is it a sad sack?

Gina: What’s that snake?
Ted: He’s not there.
Kevin: The aptly named “Sir Not Appearing in This Scene”.

Alex: Are you saying that this “mite” be a problem?

Gina to Ryan: You are now the proud owner of a masterwork longspear. That’s not a dick joke. Though maybe it should be.
Ryan: I was about to say that.

Gina: I already like the kobold better than the Tengu.

Alex: The kobold is just going to hit on you, Gina.
Kevin: He’s a ko-BOLD.
Ted: She doesn’t have enough scales for that.

Ted: The mites are shaken!
Kevin: But not stirred.

Patrick: What does birdsong do?
Kevin: It summons birds.

Alex: This is a contest between Nakpik and Krankor. It’s like Gimli and Legolas.

Alex: Did we just make Nakpik the party face?

Alex: I’m going to walk in and do what the others are doing, but I want you to know that I'm imagining the Trial by Stone from the Dark Crystal.

Gina: I’m not racist against Tengus. I just don't like Krankor.

Ted: Is there anything else you want to do with the kobolds here?
Ryan: At this point in time-
Kevin: Disco party!

Ted: Congratulations, Ryan, you find a bear trap.
Kevin: The hard way.

Nakpik the Bold Kobold – Nakpik is now a rogue under Resist’s tutelage!
Chief Sootscale – Chief of the Sootscale tribe (aptly enough); he is amenable to joining the kingdom as either radish farmers or silver miners, or both, when the kingdom is founded
Tartuk – a very dead kobold shaman, formerly a gnome with a really messed up backstory

Quest Hooks:
The Sycamore and the Mites – complete!
Svetlana’s Ring – complete!
Kobolds – complete!

Notable Locations:

  • C: Contains a lot of bear traps
  • E: contains a sabotaged deadfall trap with a dead hunter in it
  • ??: contains the scrap heap, also known as the Scar of the Spider. We should come back here later
  • Y: kobold caverns

Game started on Pharast 1st.
Today is Thursday Pharast 12 (March).

  • Thursday Pharast 12– sycamore tree and then started towards the kobolds
  • Friday Pharast 13 – visited kobolds and then started back to town
  • Saturday Pharast 14 – made it to Torch
  • Sunday Pharast 15 – searched a red dot hex where we found nothing except an illusion affecting only Pyria
  • Monday Pharast 16 – searched hex C
  • Tuesday Pharast 17 – is cold out; explored hex E which contained the dead fall trap and a dead hunter
  • Wednesday Pharast 18 – reached the scrap heap, also known as the Scar of the Spider

Game Notes:
The Tale of Two Show-Offs begins with the two in question arguing about kill-stealing loudly and across the crevasse. Obviously this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Meanwhile, Ishri does something useful and searches the crevasse. She finds a bunch of loot, including full plate and several magical items. Pyria strips off her old armor and puts on the full plate while Lauresselin identifies the magic items with Resist’s assistance. Shelynion stands around looking kingly and graciously accepts the offering of a new masterwork longspear.
Down a very short hall is a large group of mites, creepily watching everything going on, especially the armor-swapping and the loud arguing. But they do not interrupt, because they are captivated by how amazing it all is.
The party moves forward once everyone’s activities are done, and the battle begins. The plan is to draw the mites forward into the hall while the casters use Grease and Sleep to make life more difficult. Krankor really wants to use his Alchemist’s Fire on the room, but everyone else vetoes that plan because we A) don’t want all the loot to burn up, and B) don’t want to burn alive when the tree catches fire (the first being of course more important than the second). Krankor is very disappointed.
As soon as combat begins, Pyria breaks ranks and moves into the room, disrupting the plan. Of course. Lauresselin complains and then puts some of the mites to sleep while Resist shoots more with Ray of Frost. Shelynion puts down a Grease spell and a bunch of them fall on their butts. Krankor shoots the leader Grabbles and sends him toppling to the ground screaming in pain, barely alive, and then he yells, “I WIN!” at Nakpik. Nakpik can’t take being outdone, so he throws his dagger, hits Grabbles in the eye, and kills him. He blows a giant raspberry at the now-raging Krankor.
The mites attempt to advance and many are killed by Pyria, Shelynion, and the eidolon. In the thick of things, a giant tick monster drops from the ceiling and grabs Pyria, biting her in the neck and draining away her blood. Ishri comes to the rescue and greases Pyria’s armor so that she can escape from the tick.
Krankor tries to summersault over a mite and hit the tick as he flies by, as the one-upping has to continue. He does manage to hit the tick, which is now almost dead, but he starts swearing, expecting Nakpik to kill-steal AGAIN. Lauresselin, vastly amused by the turn of events, gives Nakpik her longsword, since he no longer has a weapon. Nakpik does some handsprings and kills a mite in one swing. More cursing ensues.
Pyria escapes the tick’s grasp, and Krankor manages to kill it. He does a dance and taunts Nakpik.
The few remaining mites break and flee, but the party, angered by their treatment of the kobolds, hunts them down, and none remain.

In the middle of the room is a table with a map made out of dirt and twigs that shows the location of the kobold caves (hex Y) and the mites’ lair, along with a bloodstained ivory statue of some kind of draconic reptilian creature. Lauresselin hands it back to Nakpik (with the king’s okay, of course), and he begins dancing around and shouting about how Tartuk will now get his comeuppance before biting his hand in an attempt to silence himself. He does not want to talk, but Pyria and Shelynion carefully persuade him to spill the beans (with actual diplomacy, not pistol whipping).
Apparently there is a war going on between the kobolds and the mites. Nakpik doesn’t know what started it, but the most recent move was the mites stealing the statue, which is sacred to their tribe. It is supposed to represent a mighty winged kobold named Sharktooth (not that it looks anything like that). Nakpik and his friends came to get it.
The kobolds’ shaman Tartuk, who is apparently a jerk even for a kobold, which takes some doing, has been threatening the rest of the tribe and has usurped a lot of the chieftain’s power by exerting religious pressure. He has been claiming that terrible things that will befall the tribe if they don’t get it back, like a “mysterious curse” that turns dead kobolds yellow (the party thinks this is trickery). He is using the usurped power to demand things like a larger lair, and he has been inciting the tribe to be more aggressive towards the town. Nakpik is on the chieftain’s side and plans to return the statue to the chieftain, not to Tartuk, so that the chief can reclaim his power and the tribe can be rid of the ambitious Tartuk.

Also on the table is a paper with two columns labeled “Us” and “Them” showing the status of the war. Under US is “kobold statues and lots of spears and coins”, and under THEM is “magic ust, shiny human ring, and lots of coins”.

The party discusses the problem and agrees to accompany Nakpik to his tribe to help out the chieftain. Afterwards, the plan is to go to get the fangberries and then go back to Bokken’s place.

The next day, the party travels to the kobold lair, which turns out to be located in an abandoned silver mine. There’s a sign outside identifying it as “Oaktop Silver Mine). The tunnels are pretty cramped for humans, but the kobolds like them. Nakpik and a guard take us to see the Chief. Shelynion starts to talk to him, but Nakpik interrupts and hands over the statue while claiming getting us to help was all his own idea.
Chief Sootscale looks at the statue for a minute and then flips out, smashing it in a rage on the floor. The other kobolds in the room freeze, flabbergasted. The chief grins maniacally and thanks the party. Then he says, “hey, come help us murder the shaman because breaking the statue has broken the curse!”

So the Chancellor leads us to the High Priest and challenges him to Trial by Stone. Krankor sets the shaman on fire using the Alchemist’s Fire that’s been burning a hole in his pocket, while Pyria blocks the escape route. Tartuk swings at Pyria and misses so badly that he falls on his butt and dies from the fire.

Chief Sootscale graciously offers us the contents of the room in thanks for helping him out. There’s lots of loot, including Tartuk’s journal, which details his really messed up backstory. He was apparently a gnome in his first life. His town sent him to deal with some giants that were attacking, and instead he planned to sell out the town. The giants killed him, but somehow they still ended up getting defeated. The town in thanks reincarnated him and were a little horrified when he came back as his racial enemy, a kobold. He got in with a band of monsters and got them to slaughter the town and also get killed themselves. Since then he’s been running around causing kobold tribes to implode or getting them all killed by having them attack humans. Chief Sootscale is even more grateful when he is told about this.

Shelynion sits down with Chief Sootscale and convinves them to leave Torch alone. He also brings up the idea of having them join the kingdom, and they are definitely interested, both in mining silver and in radish farming. The party also decides to hire Nakpik as a rogue under Resist (Chief Sootscale is also a rogue), against Krankor’s protests, because everyone thinks he is hilarious. He is given a masterwork cold iron sickle, and the spears stolen by the mites are returned to the kobolds as a good-will offering.

When the party leaves, we find that all of our mounts have been decorated with flowers, especially the rhino. No kobolds were outside, so they don’t know what happened. We decide it was the work of some passing fey, and Shelynion is superstitious about fey, so we leave an offering of silver and shiny rocks (from Krankor’s new stash looted from Tartuk).

At this point, the party discovers that we are all short on rations, so we abandon our previous plan and head back to Torch to buy food. We also return Svetlana’s ring, which we found in Tartuk’s cave. After some debate, we decide to forage out westwards and explore.

The first hex we search is empty. Pyria, however, starts hallucinating about a goblin in the bushes mooning her and starts yelling at it like she’s crazy. The rest of the party is baffled but again decides that it must be fey and leaves another offering, which is snatched up before we can even blink. That hex is marked with a red dot and should probably be searched again, but we didn’t actually find anything.

In the next hex ©, we find a million bear traps. Shelynion steps in one, but Nakpik makes himself useful and manages to disable the trap to get him out (Krankor is jealous). The party discusses looting the bear traps, but they are only worth 2 gp and are quite large, so we don’t. But they are there if we decide we want them later.

In the next hex (E), the party comes across a deadfall trap with a dead hunter in it. He is laden with bear traps, and the ropes were cut, so we assume that someone got tired of his bear-trap-laying-ways and murdered him. Because we are cool like that, we bury him. Lauresselin carries a shovel for just such an occasion. (But because we are lazy, we don’t dig a terribly deep grave.)

In the next hex, we come to what Garret called “the scrap heap”. It is also know as the Scar of the Spider. It’s a cut in the land, a canyon, parts of which have vegetation in it. Foul black smoke is billowing out of it, and along the top edge are mounds. The party scouts along the top edge and discovers that the mounds are huge piles of scrap metal. There are mechanical creatures like the laser spider scuttling around cutting pieces and randomly welding them to other pieces, like they are just following the last instruction they were given. There is also a large deactivated robot lying around.

Krankor spots a sneaky beetle thing that is sort of invisible. It’s not actually invisible, just camouflaged, but all we can see is its outline. It is obviously guarding the mounds, and while it lets us walk around, we decide that we don’t want to die today and leave the mounds alone. Pyria votes for leaving the area and coming back later, but everyone else disagrees. Instead, the party goes down into canyon.

Just inside the entrance is a large pool with a giant robot that Krankor determines is on the verge of exploding and warns everyone not to mess with, except Nakpik, who he dares to touch it. But Nakpik is too smart for him. Lauresselin determines that a massive battle took place here a few weeks ago. A serious amount of divine nature magic, possibly druidic or fey, destroyed a large amount of mechanical devices, including the robot. Krankor identifies it as an Annihilator robot, which show up in Numeria every 400 or 500 years. They go on a rampage across the country abducting people and then eventually disappear. They are extremely powerful.

Further in, we come across a large patch of bright red mold filling the entrance to a cave. Inside we are able to see sheets of red-encrusted spider webs. (Ishri dares Krankor to eat some, but the Tengu is too smart for her). Lauresselin determines that it is one of those species of mold that take over living creatures, meaning that the cave is probably full of mold-controlled spiders that will try to murder us or take us over. The mold doesn’t grow in the sunlight, but Lauresselin determines with a mirror that it does not actually ignite or anything in sunlight.

At this point, everyone decides that Pyria is right, that this area is too high level for us, and we retreat with a plan to return at a later date.



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