Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

Showdown at the O.K. Reactor
8/5/17 Game

Important Notes:
Pyria fed today.
We haven’t finished exploring the engineering deck.

Session Funnies:
Kevin: They seemed to have important things to do, and we had a pool of toxic sludge to investigate!

Ted: It’s the symbol of the god of accidental death and tragedy.
Alex: Please tell me it’s a picture of Andy.
Kevin: No, that’s RECKLESS death and tragedy!

Kevin: There’s nothing wrong with spreading malicious stereotypes about undead.

Ted: There’s a black access card.
Kevin: A blackcess card?

Ted: Whoever built this place liked lots and lots of doors.
Alex: Was it Tedward Martin? I’ve seen you play Minecraft.
Ted: True.

Kevin: I think Patrick should level drain it to death. Nothing bad could possibly come out of that!

Patrick: Let’s feed it and let it kill us, and we’ll make a new party of fungus people!
Kevin: We could all reroll as Vege-pigmies!

Pranav: Let’s take them to the telepathic room with the fungus creature.
Kevin: They’re going to end up worshiping that thing. Just calling it. Then it will order them to kill us.
Gina: Then we will be able to slaughter them without compunction and get the XP from them!
Kevin: Good point.

Gina: Send Nakpik in! He’s a kobold – he probably lived in his own poop!
Ryan: Probably STILL lives.
Kevin: You make a good point.

Ted: I rolled a natural 20, and -
Kevin: You’re now a cyborg wight.

Alex: And your cybernetic leg gives you a 30 foot move speed!
Patrick: I can lash out with my 9 foot leg!
Alex: That was a dick joke.
Ryan: It was a reference to a dick joke.
Patrick: So, I hit Boney.
Alex and Ryan: snicker

Ted: Gina, Boney takes 1 damage.
Patrick: Oxzig is technically contributing! It’s going to be his tagline – “I’m helping!”
Ted: Boney deals 1 damage right back to you.
Pranav: They’re basically having a slap fight over there.

Ted: They’re going to bull rush past you.
Alex: They don’t know I have combat reflexes. And I have a massive dex.
Pranav: THAT was a dick joke.

Ted: The other clockwork guy needs to go attack Patrick, because he’s been standing in the corner like a tool.
Gina: He IS a robot.

Patrick: How many hit points does this guy have?
Pranav: 125.
Gina: Did you pull that number out of your butt?
Pranav: Yes.
Ted: At least you’re honest about it, unlike Trump.

Ted: They’re going to move through that big clump of you, provoking from everyone.
Kevin: Most of our melee fighters are up ahead.
Gina: I have a longsword!
Ryan: I have a spear! … and my axe!

Alex: I’m going to autograpnel out of this mess.
Gina: Alex, are you going to continue your time-honored tradition of running away in the heat of battle when he need you the most?
Alex: No! I’m going to go kill the boss!
Pranav: Krankor has suddenly realized that he’s left Nakpik alone with the boss.

Ted: This is Marvin the Paranoid Android in Gearsman form! He sits around and just can’t be bothered to do anything.
Kevin: He’s already in the corner! He just need to sit down and pout!

Ryan: From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee!
Kevin: Ineffectually.

Alex: We can kill her! Just blow up the reactor!
Gina and Ryan: stare
Kevin: I endorse this plan.

Gina: She wouldn’t tell us who her deity was!
Ted: She said that was private and didn’t want to tell you.
Patrick: So she wasn’t very Evangelical.
Pranav: Considering all the robots, I think it’s more Evangelion than Evangelical.


Quest Hooks:

  • Iron Gods Beginning – we’ve stopped Meyanda from overloading the reactor

Notable Locations:


  • 26 Pharast – the investigation continues into the early hours of the morning

Game Notes:
We begin the session in the spaceship desert area. We leave that and find our way into the science deck.
It has a large lobby with a holographic projector in it. We set up the 24 hour alarm cypher that Krankor made to alert us if anything tries to come after us.
We search the entire deck, finding a variety of things of interest. One room contains a sentient fungus that wants to eat blood and meat. We leave it alone for now, but we do find a computer that will allow Krankor to do kingdom level research. Another room contains some vegepygmies. We convince them not to fight us, but they can’t speak, so we take them to the fungus, which is telepathic. They decide to worship it and attack, just as we predicted would probably happen. But we tried. So we kill them and are sad. Well, some of us are sad.
The main other thing we find on this floor is a med lab, which is currently broken. Pyria volunteers to be operated on, and they install a cybernetic leg. Krankor meanwhile tries to fix the med lab. In another area near the med lab is an android body being repaired. Krankor is quite sure that he can fix it enough that Pyria could use it to download herself into an android body. We just need a magic jar spell in order to do it, which we could get in New Stetven.
Krankor repairs the elevator, and we go to the engineering deck. There, we are attacked by some dog-like creatures, which we mow down.
We hurry down the hall towards the reactor and enter a control room, which leads to the reactor. Here, we have a massive battle.
We fight some ratfolk and an orc barbarian, and some clockwork gearsmen, and in the middle, the doors to the reactor open. Meyanda and two other clerics (one who will be referred to as “Piggy”) are inside. Meyanda creates a massive mechanical animated object, and all three summon a bunch of monsters.
There are lots of shenanigans, and it is very epic.
We kill all the things, except Meyanda, who calls out to her god and runs away. Piggy is slain by Pyria and rises as a wight.
As a note, Meyanda is an android. She’s a herald caller – the summoner version of a cleric.
Also as a note, Lauresselin wants to find a scroll of locate creature.

The Battle for Wight Supremacy
7/29/17 Game

Important Notes:
Pyria has ~48 hours before she has to feed

Session Funnies:
Pranav: Patrick, do you want to start a club for wight supremacy?

Kevin: So what you’re saying is #notallwights?
Alex: Wight lives matter?

Gina: Pyria doesn’t count as a pile of excrement, does she?
Ryan: Literally, or metaphorically?

Ted: There are rules for undead-descended children.
Patrick: Like dhampirs for vampires!
Alex: What about wights?
Patrick: They become KKK members. They come out with those cone hats.

Alex: I rolled a 20 for diplomacy!
Kevin: That’s not the Diplomacy you should have rolled a 20 with.

Alex: Kevin’s a wight supremacist.
Gina: I don’t care.
Kevin: Thanks for having my back, Gina.

Gina: This like every bad joke ever – a kobold and a wight walk into a temple.

Alex: Patrick, your character looks fucking horrifying!
Patrick: Your character looks fucking horrifying also.
Gina and Kevin: You have a point.

Kevin: I’m not wild about this plan. I mean, I’m not going to veto it like the “let’s seal ourselves in a box, give it to the wight, and let the wight tow you through toxic sludge” plan. But I’m not wild about it.

Ted: Meyanda’s either an idiot, or she’s malicious.
Kevin: Or a malicious idiot.

Alex: Someone eat it, poop it out, and then we use that stuff on it to reconstitute the animal.
Gina: That would reconstitute the bone, not the animal.
Alex: That’s bullshit.
Gina: No, it’s Krankor poop.

Ted: BS stands for both Bull Shit and Bird Shit!
Alex: Touche, sir.

Alex: I don’t bathe. I have enough ranks.

Patrick: That’s the great thing about this! I’m supposed to die, so I just throw myself out front!

Alex: If we ever play with Andy again, we need to make him an undead character that is supposed to die!
Pranav: There’s a problem with this plan. It’s Andy, so all of the rest of us would die, and he’d be fine!

Ted: Patrick, these guys pile into you and all miss.
Patrick: I stand there confidently and say, “How many times must I tell you, your weapons cannot affect me?”


  • Pearlovash and Thistle – a faerie dragon and a sprite

Quest Hooks:

  • Iron Gods beginning – Meyanda has gone into caves under Torch

Notable Locations:

  • The red dot hex is the home of the faerie dragon and sprite


  • 21 – 23 Pharast – travel back to Thornfall; nice weather
  • 24 – 25 Pharast – travel to Torch – good weather.
  • 25 Pharast – Investigation into some caves in the middle of the night
  • 26 Pharast – Investigation continues into the early hours of the morning

(1 week to New Stetvan)

Game Notes:
We begin the session with talking to Pyria. There is a great deal of disagreement over what to do with her, now that she has risen as a wight. Ishri dumps her into a pit while we discuss it, and eventually, the party decides NOT to kill her.
The party, including the wight, returns to Thornfall. Lauresselin obtains a copy of See Alignment and determines that Pyria is, in fact, NOT evil, which allays many concerns, except Ishri’s. Ishri has a raging hatred of the undead. Lauresselin does some additional research and determines what needs to be done to raise her.
Meanwhile, Resist gets a message – Meyanda showed up in Torch about 2 weeks ago, extremely injured.
Meanwhile times two, Krankor is approached by a faerie dragon and a sprite, Pearlovash and Thistle. They thank him for being a good sport about the pranking, and he gives them the robot he made for them. They are here to ask for help – some humanoid creatures came out of the Scar of the Spider and have been growing some extremely aggressive vegetation through the northern part of the forest. This needs dealing with very soon. Krankor asks about people who could help, and they mention someone named Nerissa, but they also say she wouldn’t help, and won’t discuss her further.
Meanwhile times three, people are still upset about the rumors of trolls in the south.

The party regroups and decides upon the following plan – the entire party will travel to Torch, where we will investigate what’s going on with Meyanda and get her to stop meddling with things. Then we will go on to New Stetvan, which is 1 week from Torch, and there we will destroy Pyria (or destroy her on the way), and have her raised. (For this purpose, we withdraw 3 BP from the treasury). Then, the entire party will travel to the northern part of the forest and deal with the vegetation.

The party arrives in Torch. Krankor, Resist, and Shelynion go to talk to the herbalist halfing in town. He tells Krankor that he’s heard rumors about some of the scavengers have disappeared (they scavenge stuff for him).
He also tells the party that Meyanda did come and see him. He gathered that a group of fey went nuts on her, and she barely survived. They had some grudge against her, but he doesn’t know what it was. She paid the herbalist and then left his house abruptly 2-3 days ago.
Khonnor Blaine tells us that he saw her the day before. She came by to ask about the Weeping Pond and the system he put together. She was last seen heading down to the lake.
The party goes down to the lake, and Krankor does some scouting. He is able to determine that she went into the lake and did not emerge.
So, we wait for nightfall. Then we disguise Pyria the Wight, and she goes into the lake to swim around and find out where she went. She finds tunnels! She reports this and then goes down to investigate.
While she’s doing this, Lauresselin goes to see first the smith and then the guy who runs the scrapyard and obtains a large sealed container (basically a large cooler). When Pyria returns, Lauresselin proposes sending people down in the cooler towed by Pyria. Ishri flatly refuses this plan and goes off to find someone to cast Water Breathing on him. Pyria tows the rest of the party.
Ishri talks to the local cleric Abell (level 3 or 4 or so), who happens to have a lesser extend metamagic rod.

Finally, we are all down in the caves. We scout around a little, Lauresselin blows up some fungi, and then we find a spaceship!
We talk to a repair robot and gather that this ship is part of a ship that was part of the fleet escorting the massive ship that crashed in Numeria several thousand years ago. The repair robot is trying to fix the ship. We also find that Meyanda has been in here.
The ship was apparently some kind of traveling zoo. We find the bones of a Pilos (Lauresselin takes some of the spike bones), and then some skeleton creatures in a huge desert.

Pyria Develops a Hunger for BLOOD
7/22/17 Game

Important Notes:
We need Loot and XP from the barrow
Need to determine the kingdom effects of Pyria being dead during the next kingdom phase. Can she still do her job as a wight??

Session Funnies:
Ryan: Alex, when you shoot that dart gun with healing potions, you have to shout, “SENSU BEAN!”
Alex: So you’re turning me into Corin?
Ryan: No. Krillin.

Ted: So, he does thank you-
Kevin: Thank you for conquering my home!

Alex: Let it be known that I’m building the Crow Show. It’s a dinner theater.
Kevin: What happened to Crow’s Jab Shack?
Alex: That’s the comedy hall. It’s coming.

Ted: He was down visiting the firearms facility, because he wants to improve his water purification system-
Kevin: With firearms!

Gina: We need to deal with the trolls.
Pranav: We need to deal with the troll RUMORS.
Kevin: Who’s trolling us with rumors?
Pranav: Tatzltales.

Gina: The next day we head into-
Pranav: Ravenloft?
Patrick: We can’t settle Ravenloft!
Patrick: We send them and they can’t come back!
Gina: So we’re turning Ravenloft into Australia?
Ryan: Isn’t that what Ravenloft already is?

Ted: It says “the kingdom approves this bounty”. WHO approves it? You guys are paying yourselves?
Gina: We voted in Congress to raise our salary because we killed wolves.

Ryan: I’m going to stabify the wolf.
Alex: Did you say you are going to satisfy the wolf?!
Ryan: I changed my mind.
Alex: I know we did that whole section with dances with wolves, but I didn’t think we took it that far!

Alex: It is my professional opinion that Nakpik is dead.
Patrick: Your professional opinion is worthless.

Gina: Sneazel, I don’t need your fur in my wine.
Kevin: But – I need to be involved.

Kevin: I’m going to cast Create Pit.
Alex: You’re going to put it in front of them?
Kevin: In front of them? I’m going to put them IN it!
Alex: Then I can’t shoot them.
Kevin: That sounds like a personal problem.

Ted: He’s a Wight Lord.
Gina: What does that mean?
Kevin: He hates black people.

Gina: Is there any way that Shouty can survive an attack by Alex, Kevin, me, and Patrick? Oh wait, Patrick’s dead.
Alex: Gina. Too soon.

Ted: Patrick gets to roll for Oxzig.
Patrick: He shoots shit.
Gina: He needs to see a gastroenterologist.


Quest Hooks:

  • Forest Drake hunt – rumors of a dragon haunting the southern woods, probably a forest drake
  • troll blood – local alchemist wants some trolls blood for healing potions
  • northern howls – a ferocious warg stalks the Kamelands – Howl of the North Wind – been eating bandits and hunters for years – we’ve already done this one
  • Shamble Sap – shambling mounds are not unheard of, a local herbalist wants some sap from one shambling mound

Notable Locations:

  • J2 – on the eastern side of the shore is an ancient hut, local hunters and trappers warned them not to go poking around there, because there’s an aggressive old crazy hermit lady, and she has some sort of animated scarecrows that chased them off.
  • O2 – candlemere tower, some will-o-wisps were there, lots of odd carvings on it, they had a constant feeling of being watched, very uncomfortable
  • P2 – “mud bowl”, hot spring with bubbling mud and sulfur, 25 foot pool of mud, not hot enough to cause damage, and smells awful, fungus and giant mushrooms (may be creatures)


  • 8 Pharast – Krankor’s birthday party
  • 9 Pharast – too cold to leave
  • 10 Pharast – we leave the town
  • 11 Pharast – arrive in Stagfall
  • 12 Pharast – get to E2
  • 13 – 14 Pharast – exploring E2
  • 15 Pharast – get to F2
  • 16 Pharast – thunderstorm and shelter
  • 17 Pharast – thunderstorm and tornados!
  • 18 – 20 Pharast – explore F2
  • 21 – 23 Pharast – travel back to Thornfall

Game Notes:
We begin the session with 9 weeks of downtime. Various people do various things. Shelynion expands his influence with the nobility. Krankor continues to build his restaurant empire. Lauresselin creates more spells.

During the winter, Khonnor Blaine returns! Lauresselin goes to see him. He is friendly enough, and he is a bit embarrassed about the bandits. He had been the primary deterrent, and with him gone, they moved in. He says thanks for saving the town, and he is actually fairly positive about the growth of the kingdom. Lauresselin extends an open invitation once the university gets up and running for him to get involved, if he wants, and mentions that there are resources he could potentially take advantage of, in return for assistance. She also offers to introduce him to Krankor, if he wants.

He traveled out to Alkenstar City, far south of the equator. They are the only nation in the world with a full-szied gunworks. He wanted to speak to some experts in technology because he wants to improve his water purification system. He is somewhat amused that by the time he got back, we have an aqueduct built.

In early March, Krankor holds a big party for his birthday at one of his restaurants. We try to leave the next day for the south to explore, but it is ludicrously cold. There’s also golden light in the sky. The following day it’s snowing, but we leave anyway.

We head out to Hex F2 to investigate the undead barrow. We go in, and fight a bunch of skeletons, some undead carrion bats, some advanced wights, and a wight lord. Pyria is tragically slain by the wight lord and rises as a wight herself.

Fortunately, it will take her awhile to become fully corrupted by her new undead status, so we all hurry back to Thornfall, where Lauresselin plans to find a scroll of Command Undead. She will use it to keep Pyria in check until we can obtain money and a cleric to cast Resurrection. It is going to involve going to New Stetven.

Winter Wonderland
7/8/17 Game and 7/13/17 Online Session

Important Notes:
We never got the results from the last time the explorers went out.
We also put out an APB on Meyanda, and Ted said we would have heard back by now.
We have 9 weeks of downtime to do.

Session Funnies:
Alex: Light a fire. I’ll pee it out.
Ryan: You’re a bird. You can’t aim.

Pranav: Alex, Nakpik killed a guy.
Alex: Alex is laying down on the ground taking a nap.
Patrick: With a hat over his face and a bit of grass in his beak.

Ryan: It’s necromancy. Apparently I’m becoming a gothic bard.
Alex: You’re summoning a donkey fart?
Kevin: They’re not that dissimilar.

Patrick: We can make a new law, and still execute them, because we don’t care about Ex Post Facto laws!

Alex: Remember when I said I was a Shit Crafter?

Ted: We have hills.
Kevin: Do the hills have eyes?
Gina: Are the hills alive with the sound of music?


Quest Hooks:
Trolls continue to be seen in the SW

Notable Locations:
None, because we didn’t do the explorers’ return


  • 8 Neth – The Robot Uprising Has Begun
  • 9 – 30 Neth – downtime (3 weeks)
  • 1 – 7 Kuthona – kingdom turn 9, Pyria’s birthday; winter begins
  • 8 – 31 Kuthona – downtime
  • 1 – 7 Abadius – New Year begins; kingdom turn 10; Lauresselin’s birthday
  • 8 – 31 Abadius – downtime; Aurelimar’s birthday
  • 1 – 7 Calistril – kingdom turn 11
  • 8 – 30 Calistril – downtime
  • 1 – 7 Pharast – kingdom turn 12; Krankor’s birthday; spring begins

Game Notes:
At the start of the session, the party agreed to go investigate the ruin. We were attacked by more robots in the cornfield, including a set of junk golems, which are ridiculously nasty.
Once we finished murdering them, and avoiding burning down the crops, we arrived at the ruin, which was a dome made of plastic. Someone had done a bunch of excavation. There were some clockwork robots outside, and we wrecked them. But as we were standing around outside, a Star Wars torture drone and a giant swarm (troop) of spiders came boiling out of the dome and tried to murder us. The king nearly died, but we managed to save him.

Inside the dome, we found a manufacturing facility, which Krankor gutted and turned into some cyphers. In another room, we found a machine that is in essence a technological forge. Someone had fixed it and turned it on for a specific but unknown purpose, and then they left again. We are reasonably sure that it was Meyanda. Krankor told us that things like this happen in Numeria from time to time.

We went back to Thornfall, where we asked around after Meyanda, but no one has seen her, so we put out an ABP on her. During the downtime for the rest of the month, Krankor had some workers relocate the forge to Thornfall. The workers felt like they were being watched while they worked.

We then spent the winter in Thornfall, ruling and working on our own projects.

The Invention of Funnel Cake (A Black Tar Heroin Filled Confection)
6/24/17 Game

Important Notes:

Session Funnies:
Ted: There are rumors of trolls to the southwest.
Pranav: It’s the spider troll god and its clockwork minions!

Ted: People are going fucking wild over your cake.
Alex: It was filled with the finest black tar heroin.
Ted: I was going to say you invented funnel cake, but that’s maybe the same thing.

Alex: Everything is bigger in Texas. that was not a dick joke. Though it could have been.

Ted: U2 has an abandoned ferry.
Gina: And some terrible music.

Ted: What do you do with this message, Alex?
Alex: I shoot fireworks into the air!
Kevin: Adventurers Assemble

Ted: Kevin, I have a job for you.
Outside the house: KRACKOOOOM!!
Kevin: It’s a very dramatic job.

Gina: 16 peasants!? That’s a lot of peasants!
Patrick: We paid a lot of money for this farm!

Ted: Kevin, you don’t have to draw the buildings along the edges of each hex. You can just draw a rectangle!
Kevin: No. These are the rectangles that my OCD demands.
Alex: Kevin, you were 8 minutes late. You have to draw a rectangle.
Kevin: I refuse. I reject your rectangle and substitute my own.

Kevin looking at the miniatures : There are a lot of bar wenches in this town.
Alex: Why is there a little kid in the bar with the wenches?
Patrick: This is a French farm.

Alex: Why are Kevin’s whores working in the mines?
Kevin: Because they’re strip miners!
Alex and Kevin gleeful fistbump

Ted: One tears a panel off the wagon.
Kevin: A panel?? what kind of wagon is this? a station wagon?

Alex: Kevin, you had me on the wrong hex.
Kevin: You had me at Hello!

Kevin: Mr. Gorbachev’s villagers, tear down this village!

Kevin: Robots hate the living.


Quest Hooks:

  • Robot Uprising – some villagers found a ruin near Thornfall. They left it alone, but they spotted someone (possibly Mayanda) near it recently. We should go check it out.
  • Several of the southern locations have monsters that need dealing with eventually

Notable Locations:

  • U2 – has an abandoned ferry
  • V2 – some sort of lair of a ferocious beast thing that the explorers didn’t want to get involved with
  • Q2 – the explorers had to run for their lives because they got chased by a leucrotta


  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova – second day at the fortress, depart for Thornfall; rains
  • 19 Rova – rare supernatural weather – clockwork clouds. Someone somewhere thinks it is a sign and becomes a servant of Brigh.
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town; party arrives in Thornfall; spiderweb clouds! +1 unrest, because people are disturbed
  • 21 – 30 Rova – downtime
  • 1-7 Lamashan – Kingdom Turn 7
  • 8 – 31 Lamashan – 3 weeks of downtime
  • 1 -7 Neth – Kingdom Turn 8 and Shelynion’s Birthday Festival – Outstanding Success!
  • 8 Neth – The Robot Uprising Has Begun

Game Notes:

The party returns to town. On the way, we see some massive clockwork clouds in the sky. Someone somewhere thinks it is a sign and becomes a servant of Brigh. Krankor also thinks it’s a sign and begins proselytizing for Brigh when we return.

The day we arrive, spiderweb clouds are seen in the sky. People are disturbed and we experience +1 unrest.

We hear rumors that trolls have been seen in the Southwest.

The explorers set out that week once again, and we remain in Thornfall to rule. We decide to stay for 3 weeks of downtime, and then we rule again. During the downtime, Lauresselin researches three new spells, and Resist, Lauresselin, and Lumiriel all spend a bunch of time scribing spells. The explorers return with some reports, and then go back out for their third and final month of exploration.

As the king’s birthday is this month, the party decides to hold a festival at the Sycamore in his honor (he wasn’t here, so he didn’t get a vote on the matter). The festival is a resounding success. Krankor creates a masterpiece, a massive cake that feeds everyone in the kingdom. We gain 6 BP out of this, so it is a truly astounding cake. It might or might not be filled with heroin. Or it could just be really amazing funnel cake. Those are basically the same things.

Following the festival, a runner approaches Krankor, sent by legionaries with an emergency report. A nearby farm reports that metal creatures have appeared and they need immediate assistance. Krankor shoots dancing lights into the sky, and the Avengers – I mean Adventurers assemble.

We arrive and wreck some metal spider swarms. Lauresselin is mad because she couldn’t get into position to use her awesome new spell. However, we successfully manage to save all of the villagers.

The farmers don’t know what happened. 2 months ago, when they were first building the farms, they uncovered a ruined structure, but they were concerned by it. So they built their farm somewhere else and left it alone. They intended to notify us but hadn’t gotten around to it. Interestingly, the livestock is completely untouched. The robots weren’t actually attacking the villagers. The damage is all to objects and structures. They were just scavenging for materials.

The villagers tell us that the ruin is made of a weird material they couldn’t identify. It is dome-shaped but with big flat panels on it. It was sealed, and they didn’t unseal it.

One of the kids says that he doesn’t know if any of the other kids tried to unseal it – there were some dares passed around, but no one was gutsy enough to do it. But he did see a woman with purple hair and weird skin wandering around in the field. It may have been Mayanda, or someone who looks a lot like her. This was about a week ago.

Krankor examines the robots – some are REALLY old and some are brand new. We decide we should investigate this ruin, because the robot uprising has begun.

Crow's Jab Shack
6/10/17 Game

Important Notes:
Look up what our GP limit is now in Thornfall

Session Funnies:
Kevin: The next one will be a martial arts dojo called Crow’s Jab Shack.

Alex: I will build a cemetery here and call it the Rusty Crow!

Alex: Can I sneak up behind someone and put duct tape on their eyes? And then tearing it off does nonlethal damage!

Alex: I’m not psychic, I’m psycho!

Gina: Another option – we could make our OWN entrance.
Ryan: OH YEAH!

Ted: He has really excessive armpit feathers.

Alex: I need to get grease for the doors in the house.
Kevin: Or you can use bacon! Then your house will smell amazing! And you’ll get a baby who loves bacon!
Alex: For a few days, then it’ll rot and smell awful. And my baby will turn vegan and I’ll have to punish you.

Gina: And you have a ballroom in your Crow’s Nest.
Ryan: Was that a euphemism? Because it sounds like it was.

Ryan: Alex, your mouth keeps making noises, but all I’m hearing is “please punch me in the dick”.

Kevin: The courtyard is covered? What holds up the ceiling?!
Ted: Magic!
Kevin: Fucking elves.

Kevin: Shooty spent his turn taking 18 damage.

Patrick: You don’t want to jam too hard.
Alex: Woah woah woah woah!
Ryan: Is that a euphemism?

Alex: I shoot that guy, then stick the smoking barrel against your bleeding wound. What do you do?
Gina: I scream.
Alex: “Sorry, I had to put out my cigarette!”

Ted: It’s dead enough.
Kevin: Dead enough for government work!

Gina: Okay, that’s 5 Celestial Healing. Kevin, how many for you?
Kevin: I’m unharmed! What have you guys been doing that you need healing? I’ve been standing around making entangle checks!


Quest Hooks:

Notable Locations:


  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova -
  • 19 Rova -
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town (two weeks from today, we need to be back)

Game Notes:
The keep is an ancient elven keep (probably from before the Starfall). It reeks of death – rotting bodies, rotting vegetation.

Nakpik sneaks around and scouts. He finds a collapsed bit of wall and climbs to peek in. He comes back and reports and doesn’t mention the 3 times he failed to climb the wall.

After some discussion of creating our own entrance, we go around to the side.

The party circles around the central tower, checking the courtyard, and gets attacked by some buff zombies, which we put down. They came out of two of the outer towers, which we search. Then we go to a third tower, which appears to have nothing in it. Lauresselin uses See Invisibility and sees some quicklings. We kill all but one of them, who runs away really fast.

Since See Invisibility has a few minute duration, we sneak around and look into the other towers, and Lumiriel climbs up the central tower stairs while invisible to glance up in the second floor. All we find is an elven woman sleeping on a bed in the central tower.

The fourth outer tower contains a bunch of assassin vines. We have a lot of fun with those, and by fun, I mean Lauresselin and Resist and Shelynion almost die. But we don’t, and we manage to kill them. Pretty much the entire party got grabbed by them at different points during that combat. The fifth tower has nothing interesting (I think there was loot).

Then we go for the central tower. We climb up the stairs towards the second floor, but the woman had come down and hidden on the first floor. She starts dancing, and a good half the party gets mesmerized.

Krankor, Lauresselin, Lumiriel, and Nakpik are the only ones who don’t get mesmerized. Krankor runs down the stairs and grapple her, which goes fairly badly for him because she is a vampire fey and drains him of a bunch of strength and constitution. But he gets her onto the ground. Meanwhile, a swarm of vicious little fey comes down the stairs, attacking everyone on the stairs.

Lumiriel creates a low wall around the woman and Krankor, which wakes up about half of those entranced. Then Lauresselin shoves Shelynion off of the stairs, so he wakes up.

Those down below manage to kill the woman, and then we turn to dealing with the swarm. Unfortunately, it infected Lumiriel with some kind of gross worms, which transfer half of the damage the swarm takes to her. We play a game of toss the wand with Shelynion’s Wand of Burning Hnads, but it just doesn’t do enough damage, when we’re splitting half of it with Lumiriel. So we run.

The next day, we come back with better spells and kill the swarm and loot the castle.

Dances with Wolves
6/3/17 Game

Important Notes:
Gina needs to mark off enough money for people to hire managers
Ryan will be out June 17 – 24

Session Funnies:
Ted: Patrick, do you have your password for the Obsidian Portal?
Kevin: The Obscene Portal?
Pranav: That should be the name of your brothel.
Kevin: DONE.

Kevin: Over the entrance of my brothel is going to be a sign that says, “Abandon all shame, all ye who enter here.”

Gina: Move the people out of their tents.
Patrick: Relax, you’re too tense.

Pranav: Alex, you have learned a very specific set of skills in restaurants all over the world. “If you fuck with us, I will kill you and cook you. But if you are nice to us, I’ll feed you.”

Kevin: I could have HARPY paladins immune to disease.

Ted: You’ve convinced them that you’re -
Alex: Horrifying?

Alex: Everyone is probably gaping.
Kevin: I’m not making that face! I’m making signs that mean “TRAVELING ZOO”.

Alex: Is there any big game here?
Gina: There’s a rhino.

Gina: Ryan, we are now playing a game of Dances with Wolves.

Pranav: Can we make a corps-
Kevin: I can give you a whore.
Gina: You want a corpse?

Pranav: Can we make a corps of dire wolf riders?
Kevin: Only if they’re whores.
Patrick: The dire wolves?
Kevin: Hey, I’m not picky.

Alex: Do the others get XP for this?
Patrick: We experienced it!
Alex: You sat there listening to me growl.
Patrick: Which is a real experience for us!

Alex: Do we get any rolls for that?
Ryan: You can make pizza rolls!
Gina: That was terrible.
Ryan: I am more confident in his ability than that!

Gina: A mill would be useful.
Pranav: The more wood you get, the happier you are.
Gina: sputtering noises
Kevin: You walked into that one, Gina.

Gina: Torch is already a fully operational town.
Kevin: But it’s not yet a fully operational battle-station!
Ted: Patrick’s working on that.

Alex: I’m putting a ballroom into my restaurant.
Gina: Because you can dance if you want.

Pranav to Alex: You kept shining dancing lights in Nakpik’s eyes and weren’t paying attention. It’s YOUR fault you didn’t notice them.
Kevin: Think about the team for once!
Alex: But he’s a fucker. A chuckesniffer.

Alex: I’ll build a pier and then a restaurant on it!
Ted: It’ll be called Crow’s Crab Shack!
Alex: Eat at Crow’s!

Patrick: Do Gnomes count as vermin?

Alex: Nakpik is a kobold? I thought he was just an asshole.

Patrick: Instead of producing excrement, he produces duct tape.

Gina: They are fey, and not undead?
Ted: Yes, they’re fey.
Pranav: quietly Iron Beard.


  • Korax – jerk woodcutter harassing the nixie
  • Loy and Latricia Resbin – a pair of settlers who are building the settlement Tatzlford.
  • Gnarlthropple – a gnome explorer
  • Teressia – a dryad
  • Melianse – a nixie

Quest Hooks:
Treasure Map – complete

Notable Locations:

  • EG – dire wolves here; well, there were
  • S – Landmark – Ruins of a ferry (Nettles Crossing)
  • M – source of saltpeter!
  • Hex 13 – nothing
  • Hex C2 – not fully explored, but met some gnomes
  • K2 – has a beast den for a turtle creature
  • L2 – has a landmark major ford
  • O2 – Candlemere Tower (landmark)
  • U2 – Abandoned Ferry (landmark)
  • F2 – undead infested barrow
  • P2 – “the mud bowl” (dangerous)


  • 1 Arodus – leave to exploring
  • 2 – 3 Arodus – exploring EG
  • 4 Arodus – hunting
  • 5 Arodus – back to Thornfall
  • 6 – 12 Arodus – Kingdom Turn 5
  • 13 – 15 Arodus – downtime
  • 16 Arodus – Travel to Hex 26 (S)
  • 17 – 18 Arodus – Exploring Hex S (26)
  • 19 Arodus – Travel time
  • 20 – 21 Arodus – Exploring Hex M (19)
  • 22 Arodus – Travel Time
  • 23 Arodus – Exploring Hex 13
  • 24 – 25 Arodus – Travel back to Thornfall
  • 26 – 31 Arodus – Downtime
  • 1- 7 Rova – Kingdom turn 6 (Loy’s request, Ishri’s birthday)
  • 8 – 10 Rova – travel, meet gnomes
    *11 Rova – get to B2 to meet the loggers
  • 12 Rova – travel to the dryad
  • 13 Rova – Shelynion and Pyria and Krankor go deliver the feather tokens while the rest stay at the tree to guard it
  • 14 Rova – Shelynion and co get back to the dryad
  • 15 Rova – onwards to the tree monster
  • 16 Rova – back to the dryad; messenger leaves to go back to town
  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova -
  • 19 Rova -
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town (two weeks from today, we need to be back)

Game Notes:
We made a watch order and a campfire plan.

Watch order – 3 hour watches:

  • Pyria and Shelynion
  • Nakpik
  • Oxzig
  • Lumiriel and Krankor (Resist and Lauresselin memorizing)

While we are sitting around the campfire, Krankor spots a bunch of dire wolves trying to sneak up on our mounts. He uses his amulet to cast Speak with Animals and threatens them with death, and then offers them food. They buy it. He pets them. After some conversation, they agree to follow us around for a few days while we explore, and then we take them back to town. Finnan is going to take charge of the dire wolves in the beast den that Pyria is building.

When we get back, we rule. No, seriously.

Then it’s time to explore again. We find a broken ferry in Hex S. Krankor finds a +1 ranseur buried at the edge of the water. Why would anyone bury a magical ranseur on the bank of a river? That’s what I want to know.

We move on to Hex 19 (a smashing hex, with some lovely acting). We’re pretty sure that the treasure map leads here, but we aren’t very observant, so we have to stay an extra day before we find it. On the plus side, Lauresselin finds a source of saltpeter. Eventually, Krankor finds the only tree for miles around, and we dig up treasure.

We search another hex and find nothing, and then we return to town and rule again.

Kingdom Event – Loy Resbin and his wife Latricia approach the king. They want to found a new settlement in the forest along one of the rivers, where the Tatzlwyrms were, which spans the river. Have plans and materials. Mira remembers them.
It would count as a free settlement eventually, but counts as an abandoned hex right now, because it’s not connected. We get a discount on whatever the first building we build there.
The king approves it. Tatzlford will be the name.

Then the Explorers we sent out get back. In Hex A2 they met a dryad who has requested the king’s assistance in killing some creature killing her tree. There is some sort of dispute in hex B2 between a band of loggers and some sort of fey. In Hex G they found a giant abandoned keep crawling with undead.

So, we hire a messenger to send back in time to give instructions for the businesses we’re all running, and then we set off. This time we take Mikmek instead of Oxzig, because we want Mikmek to find some carrier pigeon eggs, or to help us befriend more random animals (he’s a ranger).

In Hex C2 we hear unintelligible cursing as we are riding through the woods. It’s something to do with kobolds. We investigate, but Mikmek and Nakpik are hiding because we don’t want them to get ganked.
We find some gnomish explorers who are surveying the area. They are looking for an ancient abandoned dwarven outpost. Their wagon has been lodged in a muddy bottom of a deep stream, and it is broken. Lumiriel uses Expeditious Construction to make a ramp, Krankor fixes the wagon with duct tape, and Pyria’s rhino haul it out. Apparently some random kobolds ambushed them. They weren’t Sootscale, there’s another tribe. As a reward, they show us their maps. And show us some sites in the Greenbelt.
They also feed us. Krankor is critical of their food attempts. Gnarlthropple is their leader, but they don’t want a job.

The next hex is B2, which has the loggers. When we arrive, there’s a strange standoff going on – on one side of the clearing is a camp with people lounging around, and then there are 2 loggers on the other obviously under an enchantment and guarding the trees.

The loggers are run by a man named Korax. Korax is a gruff angry person (possibly a great friend for Kressle!). He claims a nixie attacked them unprovoked. The nixie sticks her head up and defends herself. Her pond is surrounded by a grove of coachwood trees, which are a special kind of valuable lumber.

Krankor proposes settling this over a meal. It works. Krankor shows her the fey token and the nixie opens up a bit more.
With discussion, Shelynion determines the following – the nixie will let the loggers take the wood they’ve already cut down if someone provides new trees for her. There’s a dryad nearby who has feather tokens. All parties agree.
We stay there that night and Lauresselin talks to the nixie for a bit. Then we go visit the dryad.

When we arrive, the dryad Teressia
is weeping. A satyr is hiding in the tree branches keeping an eye on her. She’s hamming it up. She is in distress, she’s just trying to make it seem over the top. Her region of the woods are suffering from an evil carnivorous tree plant that really likes eating dryads, called a scythe tree. They are intelligent; they are just horrifically evil. They like to torture their victims before eating them. It’s in the Hex SE of here.

The dryad gives the feather tokens in advance, so Shelynion, Pyria, and Krankor go deliver them while the others stay to guard the tree. It rains the next day.

The stalemate breaks up. The nixie promises to watch along the river for any threats, which grants us+2 to stability.

Then we go off to kill the tree monster. Krankor cuts some of its wood for smoking food. Gross, and probably unethical. The dryad is very happy and gives us a bunch of treasure. Shewill also keep an eye out for threats in the forest which gives us another +2 to stability

She tries to warn us away from the fortress. There’s something called the Dancing Lady, an evil fey, that lives there. We’re pretty sure it’s baobhan sith – they dance and entrance people and then drink their blood, and sometimes turn them into undead. They are fey and not undead.

Buildings (Like Brothels)
5/20/17 Game

Important Notes:

Session Funnies:
Kevin: She doesn’t have a boob window?
Ted: No.
Gina: Boob windows are stupid. They are really good places to stick a sword. … Which is not a dick joke.

Ted: It’s much much bigger than you.
Alex: It’s not as big as my Diplomacy.
Gina: That WAS a dick joke.

Patrick: We need to disguise Krankor as its MATE to lure it into a false sense of security!
Alex: You don’t need to disguise me. I’m just that attractive.

Ted: Well, you are good at cooking things.
Alex: I don’t want to have a bun in the oven.

Ted: It could be your magnum opus! Cooking YOURSELF up and serving yourself as a meal!
Alex: Would I get a grit point for that?

Ted: Spending grit points to dodge attacks with a fork!
Alex: It IS a melee weapon!

Patrick: I cheat by coming back to life!
Ted: As a pixie, 100 years later, and a completely different gender?
Alex: My penis! It’s gone!

Ted: It was on its last legs. It’s dead now.
Gina: It’s a snake. It doesn’t have legs.
Kevin: It doesn’t anymore!

Gina: You could hit the one that Lumiriel is attacking.
Alex: I don’t know her yet. I don’t like her.
Gina: She’s purple.
Alex: It’s because she’s friends with that ELF WENCH.

Alex: That’s a 25 for snake cooking. It’s fucking delicious.

Ted: I thought it was strange that they required the foundry to be on the water.
Kevin: You have to dump your industrial waste somewhere!

Kevin: I just heard Patchwork Rhino. I don’t know what they are but I want one!

Gina: Aurelimar feels ashamed that he rolled so badly.
Kevin: As a Swift Action?
Gina: No, feeling ashamed is an Immediate Action.

Ted: Patrick eventually will be building a headquarters for the Legion of Skittering Dragons.
Gina: In the sewers!
Ryan: Do you want an adventurer problem? Because that’s how you get an adventurer problem!

Pranav: Can I build a ninja clan in the sewers?
Ted: Yes. The Foot Clan can absolutely be a thing.

Gina: Extraplanar prostitutes. That’s what this entire conversation is about.

Alex: Kevin only hires level 6 Paladins who are immune to disease.
Pranav: Just don’t skip out on the bill.
Kevin: Oh yeah. Don’t. Or you will be SMOTE.

Kevin: Alex, would you eventually be willing to outfit my prostitutes with cybernetics?

Kevin: I’m totally schmoozing.
Ted: Promoting the cause!
Gina: The cause of opening a brothel.
Kevin: The BEST cause!

Alex: She hates you so much that she calls you Ishiguro.


Quest Hooks:

  • Tatzlwrym – complete!

Notable Locations:

  • V – nothing
  • U – Tatzlwyrm
  • N – resource – old growth oak
  • O – nothing


  • 3 Desnus – Party leaves to go exploring and arrives in Hex V
  • 4 – 5 Desnus – Exploring Hex V
  • 6 – 7 Desnus – Exploring U, fight with Tatzlwyrm
  • 8 – 9 Desnus – Exploring N (thunderstorm on second day)
  • 10 – 11 Desnus – Exploring O
  • 14 Desnus – Arrival in Torch to turn in Tatzlwrym
  • 15 Desnus – Arrival in Thornfall
  • 16 – 22 Desnus – Kingdom Week – turn 2
  • 22 – 31 Desnus – 3 weeks of Downtime
  • 1 – 7 Sarenith – kingdom turn 3
  • 8 – 30 Sarenith – 3 weeks of Downtime
  • 1-7 Erastus – kingdom turn 4 – Varia party at the Inn; Resist’s birthday
  • 8 – 31 Erastus – 3 weeks of Downtime. Krankor’s restaurant begins to be built

Game Notes:
Since half the group was running late, the party decided to go exploring at the beginning of Desnus rather than doing the kingdom turn right away. So, we gather up all of our new cohorts (Oxzig for Pyria and Lumiriel for Lauresselin) and head to the forest to explore. Hex V is really boring and has nothing in it.
Hex U, however, is home to 3 tatzlwryms with a lair in the middle of a small stream. The now extremely large party tears into them and kills them. Krankor decapitates them and prepares their heads for transport. One is to be delivered to Oleg, per his bounty, and Pyria claims another one for her planned trophy room at the Legion of Skittering Dragons’ headquarters, to be built soon. King Shelynion claims the third for the Adventurers’ Guild he plans to build eventually.
Hex N has stands of old-growth oaks, which the kingdom can use as a resource when it expands that far. We hide from a thunderstorm… somewhere. Krankor works his survival magic.
Hex O also has nothing, and at this point everyone is present, so the party heads back to Torch to turn in the head.
While we are there, Lauresselin and Resist go to question Kressle about the green glass crystals. After some elaborate setup, Resist asks her about them, and she says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. So Lauresselin pulls one out. It shatters, and the image of a woman appears briefly, and then Kressle collapses. Resist and Lauresselin examine her and determine that she’s fine, but she’s had her memory wiped up to the point that she joined the bandits. The crystal was some sort of scrying foci, and Kressle was probably under some kind of geas. She did not know that she was carrying it around. The person using it COULD have been the same person who scried on us in the forest, but it is impossible to tell from the information we have.

Krankor sits down with her, now that her banditry ways have been erased from her mind, and manages to get her friendly to him. The King decrees that just because she can’t remember being a bandit does not alleviate her punishment, so Krankor works out with him and Dolga and Oskah a community service program. Resist sets his trainee ninjas to tail her as practice, with the stipulation that if she sees them, she gets to kick their butts.

We then return to Thornfall and do our actual jobs.

At this point, the party decides that we all have things we want to work on in downtime, and we do not want to lose a lot of resources while adventuring, and we don’t have sufficient buildings yet to hire managers, so for the next two months, we remain in Thornfall, working on the kingdom and on our various projects.

At the start of the 4th kingdom turn, Varia comes to talk to Shelynion with a proposal to build a manor quarter for us and the various nobles with us. She is willing to invest half the cost herself. We spend a pleasant evening talking with her and find that she likes moon radishes (Krankor cooks some amazing moon radish soup). We generally find out that she is a nice person, that she may have had some martial training at some point, and that she is most likely what she says she is – a noblewoman looking for a new life. Shelynion agrees to her proposal for the manor.

Downtime Plans:
Krankor is working on a restaurant.
Pyria is working on a headquarters for the LSD.
Resist is working on establishing his spy network.
Ishri is working on a brothel.
Lauresselin is working on a forge and tower for crafting magical items.
Shelynion is working on being king and also a bard.

The Founding of the Kingdom
5/6/17 Game

Important Notes:
Ted needs to roll up a cleric of Abadar to be our High Priest, or at least to come scope things out – she is a female Elf named Mariel

Session Funnies:
Ted: So. Where are you going to from here?
Kevin: Celebratory Orgy.

Patrick: An orgy isn’t a good idea. All the cursed ground means that your children would be dhampirs.
Kevin: How else are we going to uncurse it? The blessing of LIFE!
Patrick: …Go on.
Alex: Lay-deeez.

Pranav: Nakpik is going to set a swarm trap to summon a swarm to attack the swarm.

Alex: We have fangberry pie tonight! There’s a grilled balsamic spider leg drizzle on the top!

Ted: You are basically Walker Texas Ranger.
Alex: Fuck yeah!
Kevin: It does mean you are required to roundhouse kick someone at least once a month.

Ted: Finnan is in charge of the escort service
Ryan: I didn’t know it was that kind of caravan.

Kevin: Now you have to have a bard-off!
Ryan: I’ve been to bard-offs. Usually it involves getting shit-faced.

Gina: He’s a tiefling bard!
Kevin: That can be abbreviated ‘tard’!
Pranav: Would a tiefling fighter be abbreviated as a tie-fighter?
Kevin: Probably!


  • Mikmek – one of the League of Skittering Dragons, a kobold cavalier
  • Okzig – one of the League of Skittering Dragons, a kobold hunter
  • Mira Altew- caravan master warrior type, a female half elf mercenary with red hair – we have made her Warden, once she is done with her caravan duties
  • Finnan High-hill – halfling hunter, male survivalist; he is in charge of the caravan escorts; a generally relaxed and jovial fellow
  • Grigori – a tiefling bard; he and Shelynion hit it off well, and he has been appointed as councilor; he came because of the possibilities of material for epic tales and songs
  • Ajah the Firebrand – male ifrit, fire specialist, mixed classes
  • Meyanda – unknown race, possibly of Inevitable heritage with at least some cleric levels, hired as the caravan healer; she didn’t want to tell us her deity; something about her seems a little off, but she’s not hostile or anything
  • Mariel – a female elven cleric of Abadar, traveling to Thornfall to evaluate the possibilities and potentially to become our High Priest(ess)
  • Lumiriel – a female peri-blooded aasimar (emberkin) – arcane soldier, eldritch battlemage, favored of Ragathiel; she is hoping to get a position to found a military school because she believes that if the worldwound isn’t taken care of, it’ll consume the world, maybe was part of the crusade, forging bonds with outsiders or using magic to enhance military
  • Varia – female human aristocrat, she doesn’t want anything to do with Lavius, she’s pretty nice, a little naive, she’s got a bunch of servants and fancy covered wagon, this is all kind of an adventure, she’s deliberately trying to mysterious, Shelynion thinks she’s Galtan (that’s a nation that’s southeast of Restov)
  • Lavius – male human aristocrat, thinks commoners are all scum – he’s here because he sees an opportunity and wants to keep the rabble in line (he might get eaten on the way to Torch under mysterious circumstances)
  • Hiemried, Romar, and Kaina – dwarven thugs – we’re sure they’re up to no good

Quest Hooks:

Notable Locations:
Thornfall – first settlement of the kingdom


  • 31 Pharast – a thunderstorm traps the party at the Stag Lord’s fort
  • 1 Gozran – An even worse thunderstorm!
  • 2 Gozran – Party travels to Hex W and explores
  • 3 Gozran – Party kills some spiders and picks fangberries; Krankor cooks some
  • 4 Gozran – Party sets off for Bokken’s – it’s freezing
  • 5 Gozran – Party arrives at Bokken’s and delivers the fang-berries, then travels to Torch
  • 8 Gozran – Mira’s first caravan arrives in Torch
  • 9 Gozran – Ishri, Lauresselin, and Pryia leave for Restov with Mira’s caravan; Shelynion, Resist, Krankor, and Nakpik leave with the settlers for the settlement site
  • 11 Gozran – Thornfall is founded; the Kingdom of Blackwall comes into being (first kingdom turn begins)
  • 13 Gozran – Ishri and co and the caravan arrive in Restov
  • 14 Gozran – Lauresselin begins crafting the jewelry and the Headband of Alluring Charisma
  • 15 Gozran – Mira’s second caravan leaves for Torch
  • 17 Gozran – Lauresselin finishes the jewelry and the headband
  • 18 Gozran – Lauresselin starts crafting the Banner of Ancient Kings
  • 19 Gozran – Mira’s second caravan arrives in Torch
  • 20 Gozran – Mira leaves for Restov
  • 24 Gozran – Mira arrives in Restov
  • 25 Gozran – Ishri and co and Mira’s third caravan leave for Torch
  • 26 Gozran – Lauresselin finishes the Banner of Ancient Kings
  • 30 Gozran – Mira’s third caravan arrives in Torch
  • 1 Desnus – Kingdom Turn 2 begins
  • 2 Desnus – Ishri and company and the final caravan reaches the settlement

Game Notes:
The game begins with the party at the fort of the Stag Lord. Due to the amount of stuff we have to carry, the party decides to remain there that night to use Anthaul to move it back to Torch. The next day, however, a thunderstorm blows in, and we remain in the fort to have shelter. A second, much larger, thunderstorm comes the following day.

On the fourth day, the party is finally able to leave. We travel west to Hex W, where the fangberries are located. Two days are spent searching it, and eventually we find the field of fangberries. Unfortunately, it is home to a lot of spiders. Lauresselin uses ghost sound to lure the spiders out of the webs, and two large swarms of them come out. Nakpik sets a trap, several other people back up, and the spiders attack several of us. Lauresselin takes strength damage but manages to hit both swarms with burning hands and incinerates them.

The rest of that day is spent gathering fangberries. Lauresselin lies around uselessly because she now has a 4 strength. Krankor cooks up some of the fangberries, which apparently taste amazing, especially with Krankor’s phenomenal cooking skills.

The following day is freezing cold, but we set off for Bokken’s place anyway. Nakpik is bundled up in blankets and rides with Lauresselin so he does not die of the cold.

Bokken is very appreciative and offers to sell us discounted potions, but Resist can make them for even less, so we do not buy any. The party then returns to Torch.

Oleg is thrilled about the defeat of the Stag Lord and throws a small party. In addition, the jail is now complete, and the bandits are imprisoned there. The party goes to talk to Kressle to find out more information about the curse, and we are able to determine that the fort is surrounded by ground with Cursed Earth on it, a 9th level cleric spell. The party is currently unable to dispel that.

The party spends a couple of days in Torch going over plans for where to found our kingdom and arguing about the Cursed Earth problem. On the third day, a large caravan of about 250 people arrives, led by a woman named Mira. She presents Shelynion with a new charter to found a kingdom and informs him that there are 2 more caravans coming soon.

We mingle with the people in charge of the caravan and its safety. Of particular note are Meyanda, Grigori, Ajah, and Fennan. Krankor talks with Fennan about the fey, and he says that it is likely to be one of the trickster fey.

The following day, Mira sets off for Torch. Ishri, Pyria, and Lauresselin go with her to run several important errands, while Shelynion, Resist, Krankor, and Nakpik set off with the settlers for the settlement site.

Ishri and company arrive in Torch. Ishri is able to find a priestess of Abadar to come with us to be High Priest and be in charge of the divine aspects of our kingdom. Lauresselin obtains crafting supplies for magic items and makes Shelynion a silver circlet and some jewelry, and she also obtains some noble’s clothing for him. She also crafts a Headband of Alluring Charisma for Ishri. Pyria provides moral support. When Mira’s third caravan leaves, Ishri and company, along with Miriel the Cleric, traveling with her.

In the kingdom, an Inn and a house are constructed, and Krankor starts a small chef business at the Inn. On 2 Desnus, the final caravan and Ishri and company arrive at the settlement. Lauresselin begins crafting a Banner of Ancient Kings the following day.

Kingdom Roles:

  • Ruler – Shelynion
  • Consort – None (optional)
  • Councilor – Grigori
  • General – Pyria
  • Grand Diplomat – Ishri
  • Heir – None (optional)
  • High Priest – Mariel
  • Magister – Lauresselin
  • Marshal – Krankor
  • Royal Enforcer – Chief Sootscale
  • Spymaster – Resist
  • Treasurer – Aurelimar
  • Vicery – None (not applicable at present)
  • Warden – Mira
Lions and Tigers and (Owl)Bears, Oh My!
4/29/17 Game

Important Notes:
Oleg and Val are now “helpful” towards the party, while Dolga and Oskah remain neutral.
Aurelimar has earned 6 Influence in Torch.
Ryan, Kevin, and Gina are still being pranked by the fey. Alex, Patrick, and Pranav are not, at least at present.

Session Funnies:
Alex: Nakpik’s character class is Chucklesniffer.
Ryan: That’s not a class, that’s a job.

Gina: They don’t hate me, but we’re not super friends.
Ryan: Wait, wait, are we building the Justice League?

Ted: Someone was probably scrying on you.
Ryan: I think it’s time to consult Jara.

Alex: Would he cook dinner for us?
Ted: I think it’s more likely that he would cook YOU for dinner. And yes, that was a racist bird joke.

Ted: Oh, they haven’t acted. The frogs are flat-footed till they act.
Pranav: They’re frogs. They’re always flat-footed.
Ryan: Wah wah wah.

Alex: Salted frog legs with a side of couscous! “Where did you get couscous?” I have my ways. (It’s actually frog poop.)

Alex: Sheesh, my golden turd is more diplomatic than your silver amulets!

Ryan: It’s half t-rex, half vuvuzela.

Patrick drops a bear mini on his own mini
Ted: A bear fell from the sky and killed you. Sorry.
Patrick: Drop Bears.

Alex: How would Erastul feel if I tore down this shrine and built it up as a shrine to Brigh?
Pranav: Just out of curiosity, are you considering a career as a bear? You could become an owlbear. Although in your case you’d be a crow-bear.

Ryan: I don’t know that we want to arm the fey.
Pranav: No, no, no, we get them drunk first, and THEN arm them.

Gina: I vote for building the prison ourselves.
Ryan: Does anyone else have any votes?
Pranav: Me and my -2 strength modifier say no manual labor.

Patrick: Do you think the fey would want a shaving kit?

Pranav: How many hit points do you have, Ryan?
Alex: I’m at 20 out of 20.
Pranav: I don’t care about you.

Alex: Nakpik and I hate each other. Resist and I are on good terms.
Ted: But Nakpik is slowly poisoning your relationship.

Ted: He gets a sneak attack
Gina: How does he get a sneak attack?!
Ted: Because he’s got a special do-hickey. And because he’s an asshole.
Ryan: And because he’s shit-faced.

Pranav: He has to make a Reflex Save every time he wants to “handle his weapon”. Which is covered in lube.
Gina: All the people that would enjoy your dick joke are not listening.
Ted: Wait, who made a dick joke?

Gina: I’m extremely reluctant to found a settlement on cursed ground
Alex: We founded America on Indian Burial Grounds!
Pranav: We ARE now experiencing Donald Trump.

*Raz Keshar – a lich, owner of Ishri and an acquaintance of Shelynion’s; a patron of the Simarith family bookstore (although they do not know he is a lich)
*Breeg – the dead jerk hunter

Quest Hooks:
*Scrying – someone is scrying on us; we have a signal to give if anyone notices the scrying spell (Nakpik will turn his scales bright pink while the rest of us will make a sign)
*The Bandits have been defeated
*Tuskgutter – dead, and we’ve gotten the reward

Notable Locations:

  • K – Kressle’s camp
  • I – Contains hot springs, the source of the Skunk River
  • J – Contains a temple of Erastus
  • P – Contains Tuskgutter’s lair
  • Q – contains a really really rickety bridge over the river; need to search fully
  • X – contains a ford; need to search fully


  • Pharast 18 – Start, at the Scar of the Spider
  • Pharast 19 – 20 – Searching Hex I, frogs and scrying
  • Pharast 21 – 22 – Searching Hex J, temple
  • Pharast 23 – Thunderstorms
  • Pharast 24 – 25 – Searching P, Tuskgutter
  • Pharast 26 – 27 – Traveling back to Torch
  • Pharast 28 – Day spent in town
  • Pharast 29 – Traveling south
  • Pharast 30 – Defeat of the Stag Lord

Game Notes:
Magical Timewarp: the last time we were in Torch, Aurelimar got a letter from Raz Keshar (the lich), a patron of the Simarith bookstore. He needs Aurelimar to transcribe a couple of ancient tomes, because he has someone who wants to borrow them, and he would rather pay someone he trusts to transcribe them than lend them to a relative stranger. It would take a couple of weeks, but he will pay 500 gp for this task. He included a sending stone in the letter so that Aurelimar could send a reply.

Aurelimar used the stone to agree, and a pair of old-looking tomes appeared next to him. They look very old, and they are written in Androphan. Aurelimar doesn’t need to translate them (and can’t, as he doesn’t know Androphan). Lauresselin uses Comprehend Languages, Linguistics, and Knowledge(Arcana) to determine that they are some kind of treatise on ancient magic and spell casting, including discussions of elements of using arcane and divine magic together. They are probably tomes used by a cult of Lamashtu.

While the party is off exploring, Aurelimar spends his time transcribing these two tomes and doing work for various people in town. In particular, he works for Oleg, Val, Oskah, and Dolga, and he manages to get Val and Oleg to helpful instead of neutral. In the two weeks we are gone, he does four days of work and (using downtime rules) manages to earn 6 Influence.

Back to the present! We continue exploring south and east. In Hex I, we feel watched. Nakpik spots a weird distortion floating in the air. As soon as he points it out, it vanishes. It was a magical Sensor! Someone was using either scrying or a detection spell. It was probably an active scrying spell. Lauresselin suggests a signal for everyone to make if we spot a scrying spell so that they don’t notice that they’re noticed, and everyone will turn on detect magic. Nakpik will turn his scales hot pink.

In the same hex, we find a set of hot springs that smell like sulfur. They are the source of the Skunk River. They are home to a pair of giant frogs, BTW, and we have to roll initiative right now. The frogs go down easily, and Krankor roasts them with a delicious sauce, which may or may not be made from frog poop. The rest of us swim in the hot springs.

In the morning, we all wake up to find that we have glowing blue mustaches, which were made with a spell similar to arcane mark. Everyone agrees that we need to leave another offering. Krankor wants to prank the fey back, so he persuades Lauresselin to use prestidigitation to turn a poop into a pile of gold. He also leaves shiny rocks. Shelynion and Lauresselin leave silver amulets, and Resist leaves a potion.

In the next Hex J, the party comes to a ruin. There’s a giant rock outcrop carved with an elk, with a pool in front of it and a cave up some steps beneath the elk. It is a shrine to Erastul (nature deity). Inside the cave is a giant undead bear monster, probably a man cursed by Erastus. Nakpik shoots it a ton, Ishri shoots it, and Pyria charges it and it’s dead. The shrine cleanses itself when the bear dies, and the pool becomes (possibly temporarily) a pool of Cure Light Wounds.

We don’t find any treasure, but we camp here and Lauresselin and Shelynion clean up the cave. The next day there’s a massive thunderstorm, and rather than get struck by lightening and turned into cinders, we stay in the cave again.

The next hex (P) has a fallen tree with a boar den, a really really big boar. Probably Tuskgutter. He’s out, so we are going to lay a trap. We dig a pit and Nakpik rigs a trap. We kill it in the pit. Krankor decapitates it and we eat its roasted flesh. The head we take back to Oleg.

We pass through Hex Q to get back to Torch, which we have not visited. There is a deep gulch that the thorn river passes through. There’s a rickety-looking bridge. We don’t cross the bridge because we don’t want it to collapse and all die (this is becoming a theme). So we head up-river into Hex K to detour around.

The next day while we’re out in the plains, we are surrounded by squirrels. Dozens and dozens of them, all asleep, around Shelynion, Ishri, and Lauresselin. Pyria, Resist, and Krankor are not. The squirrels wake up and freak out and bite the first three. Ouch! Lauresselin makes a little carving of wood of a sprite making a silly face. Shelynion attempts a performance, but he performs to empty woods.

When we reach Torch, we turn in the boar head to Oleg, who hands over the reward. We mention to him that we found the dead guy in a trap. The guy is named Breeg, and no one is sad that he’s dead. He’s a jerk, apparently.

The party decides to spend the next day in town, doing a variety of things. Lauresselin buys food for the party and spends some time with Aurelimar. She also collects the herbal liquor from him to use as offerings for the fey. Pyria sells her old armor and looks through the markets for something to use for her own offerings. Resist drifts through town talking to people. Ishri and Krankor just hang out around the bar.
Oskah stops by to talk to Shelynion about the prisoners. She wants to build a jail, which will cost 12 goods, 10 labor, and 2 influence. We can either donate the money, or do some of the labor ourselves. It would take us about a week or so. Shelynion gets input from the party and decides to give her the money.
Shelynion does his best Batman impression and talks to the bandits. Apparently they’ve been in a stable for the past three weeks and are cold. Kressle is much more willing to talk at this point.
She tells him that she was part of a group that was attacked by the Stag Lord’s bandits, and they attempted to rape her. It went very poorly for them. She killed them all. The Stag Lord was impressed, so he hired her instead of having her murdered. She thinks he is totally nuts, but he is very strong. His camp is an old ruined abbey on a hill. There’s only one entrance from the front. The ground around the fort is supposedly cursed and they have been told never to enter except by the front gate.

The king decides that The Time Has Come. The party departs to bring justice upon the unrepentant heads of the Stag Lord and his Barbaric Bandit Brigade.

We pass through Hex X, which we find contains a ford across the river. When we arrive, Nakpik does his thing and scouts the fort. We decide not to risk the cursed ground and go straight up the road. Shelynion goes out front, of course, to demand their surrender. Nakpik sneakily climbs over the wall in order to be ready to open it for us, while Pyria prepares to open up a hole in the gate using a portable ram strapped to her rhino’s face (which as always requires the use of the magic words “OH YEAHHH”).

The bandits, of course, try to fill Shelynion with arrows instead of surrendering. Pyria knocks on the door and invites us all inside. Nakpik starts murdering bandits from the shadows and they can’t see him even when he’s standing right in front of them. Krankor shoots everything repeatedly, while Ishri uses her crossbow, and her eidolon mauls things. Lauresselin gets one-shot and nearly dies, but Resist comes to her rescue and shoves a potion down her throat. She spends the rest of the fight lying on the ground shooting people with spells. Every round, more and more bandits come out, some along the roof and walkways, and Pyria decides to use her ram-faced rhino to break some pillars to knock them down. It works quite well. Shelynion and Ishri toss out some grease spells. One unlucky bandit gets greased and spends the entire rest of combat trying to get up and falling on his butt again. A swashbuckler guy come out, and he brings his friendly neighborhood owlbear to play. Lauresselin attempts to color spray them and gets only the swashbuckler, who is now the focus of the owlbear because it hates his guts. Resist color sprays the owlbear a second time and stuns it, and Krankor and Shelynion do a large amount of damage and kill it before it gets another round. We plan to take the swashbuckler prisoner, but Pyria, who is finally done with knocking bandits down and killing them, doesn’t hear and charges the guy and clefts him in twain. At this point, the one poor greased bandit curls up in a pathetic heap and cries, hoping we will think he is dead.

At last, the Stag Lord, roaring drunk, makes an appearance and shoots Krankor and then Pyria full of holes. The eidolon goes in to try and get his attention and then suddenly finds itself back on its home plane, so to speak. Ishri summons more dogs, and Shelynion greases the Stag Lord’s weapon (which is NOT a euphemism). He drops it because now it is slippery and takes out knives instead. There is some flanking and more stabbing, and Shelynion makes a dick joke. He gets pranked again by the mysterious fey, but his longspear manages to not get shrunk. He has a sign on his back that reads “now THAT’S a dick joke!” The Stag Lord goes down at last.

We loot all the corpses and discover that the one surviving guy crawled off in the middle of the fight. We send Nakpik around to search, and he comes back to tell us that there are creepy noises coming from the basement and he isn’t going down there alone! He knows how horror movies always play out, obviously.

We go down into the cellar and find a large trove of stolen goods but nothing making noises. We start sorting through it and then suddenly a crazy druid man comes out of the wall and attacks! We have to put him down. He is unfortunately actually mad, foaming at the mouth mad, and there is no talking to him.

We finish looting. Unfortunately, the Stag Lord is NOT one of those bad guys who writes down the entire plot in his journal, so we don’t know anything that we didn’t before. But he does have another of those green crystal shards. However, there is a massive amount of loot in the cellar, enough to give us 3 BP when we start our kingdom (or ~11,000gp, which is enough to make a Banner of Ancient Kings).

We begin to discuss where to start the kingdom and decide that that is a discussion that needs everyone present and more time to discuss.


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