Stolen Kings and Iron Gods

Pyria Develops a Hunger for BLOOD
7/22/17 Game

Important Notes:
We need Loot and XP from the barrow
Need to determine the kingdom effects of Pyria being dead during the next kingdom phase. Can she still do her job as a wight??

Session Funnies:
Ryan: Alex, when you shoot that dart gun with healing potions, you have to shout, “SENSU BEAN!”
Alex: So you’re turning me into Corin?
Ryan: No. Krillin.

Ted: So, he does thank you-
Kevin: Thank you for conquering my home!

Alex: Let it be known that I’m building the Crow Show. It’s a dinner theater.
Kevin: What happened to Crow’s Jab Shack?
Alex: That’s the comedy hall. It’s coming.

Ted: He was down visiting the firearms facility, because he wants to improve his water purification system-
Kevin: With firearms!

Gina: We need to deal with the trolls.
Pranav: We need to deal with the troll RUMORS.
Kevin: Who’s trolling us with rumors?
Pranav: Tatzltales.

Gina: The next day we head into-
Pranav: Ravenloft?
Patrick: We can’t settle Ravenloft!
Patrick: We send them and they can’t come back!
Gina: So we’re turning Ravenloft into Australia?
Ryan: Isn’t that what Ravenloft already is?

Ted: It says “the kingdom approves this bounty”. WHO approves it? You guys are paying yourselves?
Gina: We voted in Congress to raise our salary because we killed wolves.

Ryan: I’m going to stabify the wolf.
Alex: Did you say you are going to satisfy the wolf?!
Ryan: I changed my mind.
Alex: I know we did that whole section with dances with wolves, but I didn’t think we took it that far!

Alex: It is my professional opinion that Nakpik is dead.
Patrick: Your professional opinion is worthless.

Gina: Sneazel, I don’t need your fur in my wine.
Kevin: But – I need to be involved.

Kevin: I’m going to cast Create Pit.
Alex: You’re going to put it in front of them?
Kevin: In front of them? I’m going to put them IN it!
Alex: Then I can’t shoot them.
Kevin: That sounds like a personal problem.

Ted: He’s a Wight Lord.
Gina: What does that mean?
Kevin: He hates black people.

Gina: Is there any way that Shouty can survive an attack by Alex, Kevin, me, and Patrick? Oh wait, Patrick’s dead.
Alex: Gina. Too soon.

Ted: Patrick gets to roll for Oxzig.
Patrick: He shoots shit.
Gina: He needs to see a gastroenterologist.


Quest Hooks:

  • Forest Drake hunt – rumors of a dragon haunting the southern woods, probably a forest drake
  • troll blood – local alchemist wants some trolls blood for healing potions
  • northern howls – a ferocious warg stalks the Kamelands – Howl of the North Wind – been eating bandits and hunters for years – we’ve already done this one
  • Shamble Sap – shambling mounds are not unheard of, a local herbalist wants some sap from one shambling mound

Notable Locations:

  • J2 – on the eastern side of the shore is an ancient hut, local hunters and trappers warned them not to go poking around there, because there’s an aggressive old crazy hermit lady, and she has some sort of animated scarecrows that chased them off.
  • O2 – candlemere tower, some will-o-wisps were there, lots of odd carvings on it, they had a constant feeling of being watched, very uncomfortable
  • P2 – “mud bowl”, hot spring with bubbling mud and sulfur, 25 foot pool of mud, not hot enough to cause damage, and smells awful, fungus and giant mushrooms (may be creatures)


  • 8 Pharast – Krankor’s birthday party
  • 9 Pharast – too cold to leave
  • 10 Pharast – we leave the town
  • 11 Pharast – arrive in Stagfall
  • 12 Pharast – get to E2
  • 13 – 14 Pharast – exploring E2
  • 15 Pharast – get to F2
  • 16 Pharast – thunderstorm and shelter
  • 17 Pharast – thunderstorm and tornados!
  • 18 – 20 Pharast – explore F2
  • 21 – 23 Pharast – travel back to Thornfall

Game Notes:
We begin the session with 9 weeks of downtime. Various people do various things. Shelynion expands his influence with the nobility. Krankor continues to build his restaurant empire. Lauresselin creates more spells.

During the winter, Khonnor Blaine returns! Lauresselin goes to see him. He is friendly enough, and he is a bit embarrassed about the bandits. He had been the primary deterrent, and with him gone, they moved in. He says thanks for saving the town, and he is actually fairly positive about the growth of the kingdom. Lauresselin extends an open invitation once the university gets up and running for him to get involved, if he wants, and mentions that there are resources he could potentially take advantage of, in return for assistance. She also offers to introduce him to Krankor, if he wants.

He traveled out to Alkenstar City, far south of the equator. They are the only nation in the world with a full-szied gunworks. He wanted to speak to some experts in technology because he wants to improve his water purification system. He is somewhat amused that by the time he got back, we have an aqueduct built.

In early March, Krankor holds a big party for his birthday at one of his restaurants. We try to leave the next day for the south to explore, but it is ludicrously cold. There’s also golden light in the sky. The following day it’s snowing, but we leave anyway.

We head out to Hex F2 to investigate the undead barrow. We go in, and fight a bunch of skeletons, some undead carrion bats, some advanced wights, and a wight lord. Pyria is tragically slain by the wight lord and rises as a wight herself.

Fortunately, it will take her awhile to become fully corrupted by her new undead status, so we all hurry back to Thornfall, where Lauresselin plans to find a scroll of Command Undead. She will use it to keep Pyria in check until we can obtain money and a cleric to cast Resurrection. It is going to involve going to New Stauton.

Winter Wonderland
7/8/17 Game and 7/13/17 Online Session

Important Notes:
We never got the results from the last time the explorers went out.
We also put out an APB on Mayanda, and Ted said we would have heard back by now.
We have 9 weeks of downtime to do.

Session Funnies:
Alex: Light a fire. I’ll pee it out.
Ryan: You’re a bird. You can’t aim.

Pranav: Alex, Nakpik killed a guy.
Alex: Alex is laying down on the ground taking a nap.
Patrick: With a hat over his face and a bit of grass in his beak.

Ryan: It’s necromancy. Apparently I’m becoming a gothic bard.
Alex: You’re summoning a donkey fart?
Kevin: They’re not that dissimilar.

Patrick: We can make a new law, and still execute them, because we don’t care about Ex Post Facto laws!

Alex: Remember when I said I was a Shit Crafter?

Ted: We have hills.
Kevin: Do the hills have eyes?
Gina: Are the hills alive with the sound of music?


Quest Hooks:
Trolls continue to be seen in the SW

Notable Locations:
None, because we didn’t do the explorers’ return


  • 8 Neth – The Robot Uprising Has Begun
  • 9 – 30 Neth – downtime (3 weeks)
  • 1 – 7 Kuthona – kingdom turn 9, Pyria’s birthday; winter begins
  • 8 – 31 Kuthona – downtime
  • 1 – 7 Abadius – New Year begins; kingdom turn 10; Lauresselin’s birthday
  • 8 – 31 Abadius – downtime; Aurelimar’s birthday
  • 1 – 7 Calistril – kingdom turn 11
  • 8 – 30 Calistril – downtime
  • 1 – 7 Pharast – kingdom turn 12; Krankor’s birthday; spring begins

Game Notes:
At the start of the session, the party agreed to go investigate the ruin. We were attacked by more robots in the cornfield, including a set of junk golems, which are ridiculously nasty.
Once we finished murdering them, and avoiding burning down the crops, we arrived at the ruin, which was a dome made of plastic. Someone had done a bunch of excavation. There were some clockwork robots outside, and we wrecked them. But as we were standing around outside, a Star Wars torture drone and a giant swarm (troop) of spiders came boiling out of the dome and tried to murder us. The king nearly died, but we managed to save him.

Inside the dome, we found a manufacturing facility, which Krankor gutted and turned into some cyphers. In another room, we found a machine that is in essence a technological forge. Someone had fixed it and turned it on for a specific but unknown purpose, and then they left again. We are reasonably sure that it was Mayanda. Krankor told us that things like this happen in Numeria from time to time.

We went back to Thornfall, where we asked around after Mayanda, but no one has seen her, so we put out an ABP on her. During the downtime for the rest of the month, Krankor had some workers relocate the forge to Thornfall. The workers felt like they were being watched while they worked.

We then spent the winter in Thornfall, ruling and working on our own projects.

The Invention of Funnel Cake (A Black Tar Heroin Filled Confection)
6/24/17 Game

Important Notes:

Session Funnies:
Ted: There are rumors of trolls to the southwest.
Pranav: It’s the spider troll god and its clockwork minions!

Ted: People are going fucking wild over your cake.
Alex: It was filled with the finest black tar heroin.
Ted: I was going to say you invented funnel cake, but that’s maybe the same thing.

Alex: Everything is bigger in Texas. that was not a dick joke. Though it could have been.

Ted: U2 has an abandoned ferry.
Gina: And some terrible music.

Ted: What do you do with this message, Alex?
Alex: I shoot fireworks into the air!
Kevin: Adventurers Assemble

Ted: Kevin, I have a job for you.
Outside the house: KRACKOOOOM!!
Kevin: It’s a very dramatic job.

Gina: 16 peasants!? That’s a lot of peasants!
Patrick: We paid a lot of money for this farm!

Ted: Kevin, you don’t have to draw the buildings along the edges of each hex. You can just draw a rectangle!
Kevin: No. These are the rectangles that my OCD demands.
Alex: Kevin, you were 8 minutes late. You have to draw a rectangle.
Kevin: I refuse. I reject your rectangle and substitute my own.

Kevin looking at the miniatures : There are a lot of bar wenches in this town.
Alex: Why is there a little kid in the bar with the wenches?
Patrick: This is a French farm.

Alex: Why are Kevin’s whores working in the mines?
Kevin: Because they’re strip miners!
Alex and Kevin gleeful fistbump

Ted: One tears a panel off the wagon.
Kevin: A panel?? what kind of wagon is this? a station wagon?

Alex: Kevin, you had me on the wrong hex.
Kevin: You had me at Hello!

Kevin: Mr. Gorbachev’s villagers, tear down this village!

Kevin: Robots hate the living.


Quest Hooks:

  • Robot Uprising – some villagers found a ruin near Thornfall. They left it alone, but they spotted someone (possibly Mayanda) near it recently. We should go check it out.
  • Several of the southern locations have monsters that need dealing with eventually

Notable Locations:

  • U2 – has an abandoned ferry
  • V2 – some sort of lair of a ferocious beast thing that the explorers didn’t want to get involved with
  • Q2 – the explorers had to run for their lives because they got chased by a leucrotta


  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova – second day at the fortress, depart for Thornfall; rains
  • 19 Rova – rare supernatural weather – clockwork clouds. Someone somewhere thinks it is a sign and becomes a servant of Brigh.
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town; party arrives in Thornfall; spiderweb clouds! +1 unrest, because people are disturbed
  • 21 – 30 Rova – downtime
  • 1-7 Lamashan – Kingdom Turn 7
  • 8 – 31 Lamashan – 3 weeks of downtime
  • 1 -7 Neth – Kingdom Turn 8 and Shelynion’s Birthday Festival – Outstanding Success!
  • 8 Neth – The Robot Uprising Has Begun

Game Notes:

The party returns to town. On the way, we see some massive clockwork clouds in the sky. Someone somewhere thinks it is a sign and becomes a servant of Brigh. Krankor also thinks it’s a sign and begins proselytizing for Brigh when we return.

The day we arrive, spiderweb clouds are seen in the sky. People are disturbed and we experience +1 unrest.

We hear rumors that trolls have been seen in the Southwest.

The explorers set out that week once again, and we remain in Thornfall to rule. We decide to stay for 3 weeks of downtime, and then we rule again. During the downtime, Lauresselin researches three new spells, and Resist, Lauresselin, and Lumiriel all spend a bunch of time scribing spells. The explorers return with some reports, and then go back out for their third and final month of exploration.

As the king’s birthday is this month, the party decides to hold a festival at the Sycamore in his honor (he wasn’t here, so he didn’t get a vote on the matter). The festival is a resounding success. Krankor creates a masterpiece, a massive cake that feeds everyone in the kingdom. We gain 6 BP out of this, so it is a truly astounding cake. It might or might not be filled with heroin. Or it could just be really amazing funnel cake. Those are basically the same things.

Following the festival, a runner approaches Krankor, sent by legionaries with an emergency report. A nearby farm reports that metal creatures have appeared and they need immediate assistance. Krankor shoots dancing lights into the sky, and the Avengers – I mean Adventurers assemble.

We arrive and wreck some metal spider swarms. Lauresselin is mad because she couldn’t get into position to use her awesome new spell. However, we successfully manage to save all of the villagers.

The farmers don’t know what happened. 2 months ago, when they were first building the farms, they uncovered a ruined structure, but they were concerned by it. So they built their farm somewhere else and left it alone. They intended to notify us but hadn’t gotten around to it. Interestingly, the livestock is completely untouched. The robots weren’t actually attacking the villagers. The damage is all to objects and structures. They were just scavenging for materials.

The villagers tell us that the ruin is made of a weird material they couldn’t identify. It is dome-shaped but with big flat panels on it. It was sealed, and they didn’t unseal it.

One of the kids says that he doesn’t know if any of the other kids tried to unseal it – there were some dares passed around, but no one was gutsy enough to do it. But he did see a woman with purple hair and weird skin wandering around in the field. It may have been Mayanda, or someone who looks a lot like her. This was about a week ago.

Krankor examines the robots – some are REALLY old and some are brand new. We decide we should investigate this ruin, because the robot uprising has begun.

Crow's Jab Shack
6/10/17 Game

Important Notes:
Look up what our GP limit is now in Thornfall

Session Funnies:
Kevin: The next one will be a martial arts dojo called Crow’s Jab Shack.

Alex: I will build a cemetery here and call it the Rusty Crow!

Alex: Can I sneak up behind someone and put duct tape on their eyes? And then tearing it off does nonlethal damage!

Alex: I’m not psychic, I’m psycho!

Gina: Another option – we could make our OWN entrance.
Ryan: OH YEAH!

Ted: He has really excessive armpit feathers.

Alex: I need to get grease for the doors in the house.
Kevin: Or you can use bacon! Then your house will smell amazing! And you’ll get a baby who loves bacon!
Alex: For a few days, then it’ll rot and smell awful. And my baby will turn vegan and I’ll have to punish you.

Gina: And you have a ballroom in your Crow’s Nest.
Ryan: Was that a euphemism? Because it sounds like it was.

Ryan: Alex, your mouth keeps making noises, but all I’m hearing is “please punch me in the dick”.

Kevin: The courtyard is covered? What holds up the ceiling?!
Ted: Magic!
Kevin: Fucking elves.

Kevin: Shooty spent his turn taking 18 damage.

Patrick: You don’t want to jam too hard.
Alex: Woah woah woah woah!
Ryan: Is that a euphemism?

Alex: I shoot that guy, then stick the smoking barrel against your bleeding wound. What do you do?
Gina: I scream.
Alex: “Sorry, I had to put out my cigarette!”

Ted: It’s dead enough.
Kevin: Dead enough for government work!

Gina: Okay, that’s 5 Celestial Healing. Kevin, how many for you?
Kevin: I’m unharmed! What have you guys been doing that you need healing? I’ve been standing around making entangle checks!


Quest Hooks:

Notable Locations:


  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova -
  • 19 Rova -
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town (two weeks from today, we need to be back)

Game Notes:
The keep is an ancient elven keep (probably from before the Starfall). It reeks of death – rotting bodies, rotting vegetation.

Nakpik sneaks around and scouts. He finds a collapsed bit of wall and climbs to peek in. He comes back and reports and doesn’t mention the 3 times he failed to climb the wall.

After some discussion of creating our own entrance, we go around to the side.

The party circles around the central tower, checking the courtyard, and gets attacked by some buff zombies, which we put down. They came out of two of the outer towers, which we search. Then we go to a third tower, which appears to have nothing in it. Lauresselin uses See Invisibility and sees some quicklings. We kill all but one of them, who runs away really fast.

Since See Invisibility has a few minute duration, we sneak around and look into the other towers, and Lumiriel climbs up the central tower stairs while invisible to glance up in the second floor. All we find is an elven woman sleeping on a bed in the central tower.

The fourth outer tower contains a bunch of assassin vines. We have a lot of fun with those, and by fun, I mean Lauresselin and Resist and Shelynion almost die. But we don’t, and we manage to kill them. Pretty much the entire party got grabbed by them at different points during that combat. The fifth tower has nothing interesting (I think there was loot).

Then we go for the central tower. We climb up the stairs towards the second floor, but the woman had come down and hidden on the first floor. She starts dancing, and a good half the party gets mesmerized.

Krankor, Lauresselin, Lumiriel, and Nakpik are the only ones who don’t get mesmerized. Krankor runs down the stairs and grapple her, which goes fairly badly for him because she is a vampire fey and drains him of a bunch of strength and constitution. But he gets her onto the ground. Meanwhile, a swarm of vicious little fey comes down the stairs, attacking everyone on the stairs.

Lumiriel creates a low wall around the woman and Krankor, which wakes up about half of those entranced. Then Lauresselin shoves Shelynion off of the stairs, so he wakes up.

Those down below manage to kill the woman, and then we turn to dealing with the swarm. Unfortunately, it infected Lumiriel with some kind of gross worms, which transfer half of the damage the swarm takes to her. We play a game of toss the wand with Shelynion’s Wand of Burning Hnads, but it just doesn’t do enough damage, when we’re splitting half of it with Lumiriel. So we run.

The next day, we come back with better spells and kill the swarm and loot the castle.

Dances with Wolves
6/3/17 Game

Important Notes:
Gina needs to mark off enough money for people to hire managers
Ryan will be out June 17 – 24

Session Funnies:
Ted: Patrick, do you have your password for the Obsidian Portal?
Kevin: The Obscene Portal?
Pranav: That should be the name of your brothel.
Kevin: DONE.

Kevin: Over the entrance of my brothel is going to be a sign that says, “Abandon all shame, all ye who enter here.”

Gina: Move the people out of their tents.
Patrick: Relax, you’re too tense.

Pranav: Alex, you have learned a very specific set of skills in restaurants all over the world. “If you fuck with us, I will kill you and cook you. But if you are nice to us, I’ll feed you.”

Kevin: I could have HARPY paladins immune to disease.

Ted: You’ve convinced them that you’re -
Alex: Horrifying?

Alex: Everyone is probably gaping.
Kevin: I’m not making that face! I’m making signs that mean “TRAVELING ZOO”.

Alex: Is there any big game here?
Gina: There’s a rhino.

Gina: Ryan, we are now playing a game of Dances with Wolves.

Pranav: Can we make a corps-
Kevin: I can give you a whore.
Gina: You want a corpse?

Pranav: Can we make a corps of dire wolf riders?
Kevin: Only if they’re whores.
Patrick: The dire wolves?
Kevin: Hey, I’m not picky.

Alex: Do the others get XP for this?
Patrick: We experienced it!
Alex: You sat there listening to me growl.
Patrick: Which is a real experience for us!

Alex: Do we get any rolls for that?
Ryan: You can make pizza rolls!
Gina: That was terrible.
Ryan: I am more confident in his ability than that!

Gina: A mill would be useful.
Pranav: The more wood you get, the happier you are.
Gina: sputtering noises
Kevin: You walked into that one, Gina.

Gina: Torch is already a fully operational town.
Kevin: But it’s not yet a fully operational battle-station!
Ted: Patrick’s working on that.

Alex: I’m putting a ballroom into my restaurant.
Gina: Because you can dance if you want.

Pranav to Alex: You kept shining dancing lights in Nakpik’s eyes and weren’t paying attention. It’s YOUR fault you didn’t notice them.
Kevin: Think about the team for once!
Alex: But he’s a fucker. A chuckesniffer.

Alex: I’ll build a pier and then a restaurant on it!
Ted: It’ll be called Crow’s Crab Shack!
Alex: Eat at Crow’s!

Patrick: Do Gnomes count as vermin?

Alex: Nakpik is a kobold? I thought he was just an asshole.

Patrick: Instead of producing excrement, he produces duct tape.

Gina: They are fey, and not undead?
Ted: Yes, they’re fey.
Pranav: quietly Iron Beard.


  • Korax – jerk woodcutter harassing the nixie
  • Loy and Latricia Resbin – a pair of settlers who are building the settlement Tatzlford.
  • Gnarlthropple – a gnome explorer
  • Teressia – a dryad
  • Melianse – a nixie

Quest Hooks:
Treasure Map – complete

Notable Locations:

  • EG – dire wolves here; well, there were
  • S – Landmark – Ruins of a ferry (Nettles Crossing)
  • M – source of saltpeter!
  • Hex 13 – nothing
  • Hex C2 – not fully explored, but met some gnomes
  • K2 – has a beast den for a turtle creature
  • L2 – has a landmark major ford
  • O2 – Candlemere Tower (landmark)
  • U2 – Abandoned Ferry (landmark)
  • F2 – undead infested barrow
  • P2 – “the mud bowl” (dangerous)


  • 1 Arodus – leave to exploring
  • 2 – 3 Arodus – exploring EG
  • 4 Arodus – hunting
  • 5 Arodus – back to Thornfall
  • 6 – 12 Arodus – Kingdom Turn 5
  • 13 – 15 Arodus – downtime
  • 16 Arodus – Travel to Hex 26 (S)
  • 17 – 18 Arodus – Exploring Hex S (26)
  • 19 Arodus – Travel time
  • 20 – 21 Arodus – Exploring Hex M (19)
  • 22 Arodus – Travel Time
  • 23 Arodus – Exploring Hex 13
  • 24 – 25 Arodus – Travel back to Thornfall
  • 26 – 31 Arodus – Downtime
  • 1- 7 Rova – Kingdom turn 6 (Loy’s request, Ishri’s birthday)
  • 8 – 10 Rova – travel, meet gnomes
    *11 Rova – get to B2 to meet the loggers
  • 12 Rova – travel to the dryad
  • 13 Rova – Shelynion and Pyria and Krankor go deliver the feather tokens while the rest stay at the tree to guard it
  • 14 Rova – Shelynion and co get back to the dryad
  • 15 Rova – onwards to the tree monster
  • 16 Rova – back to the dryad; messenger leaves to go back to town
  • 17 Rova – arrival at the undead fortress
  • 18 Rova -
  • 19 Rova -
  • 20 Rova – messenger arrives back in town (two weeks from today, we need to be back)

Game Notes:
We made a watch order and a campfire plan.

Watch order – 3 hour watches:

  • Pyria and Shelynion
  • Nakpik
  • Oxzig
  • Lumiriel and Krankor (Resist and Lauresselin memorizing)

While we are sitting around the campfire, Krankor spots a bunch of dire wolves trying to sneak up on our mounts. He uses his amulet to cast Speak with Animals and threatens them with death, and then offers them food. They buy it. He pets them. After some conversation, they agree to follow us around for a few days while we explore, and then we take them back to town. Finnan is going to take charge of the dire wolves in the beast den that Pyria is building.

When we get back, we rule. No, seriously.

Then it’s time to explore again. We find a broken ferry in Hex S. Krankor finds a +1 ranseur buried at the edge of the water. Why would anyone bury a magical ranseur on the bank of a river? That’s what I want to know.

We move on to Hex 19 (a smashing hex, with some lovely acting). We’re pretty sure that the treasure map leads here, but we aren’t very observant, so we have to stay an extra day before we find it. On the plus side, Lauresselin finds a source of saltpeter. Eventually, Krankor finds the only tree for miles around, and we dig up treasure.

We search another hex and find nothing, and then we return to town and rule again.

Kingdom Event – Loy Resbin and his wife Latricia approach the king. They want to found a new settlement in the forest along one of the rivers, where the Tatzlwyrms were, which spans the river. Have plans and materials. Mira remembers them.
It would count as a free settlement eventually, but counts as an abandoned hex right now, because it’s not connected. We get a discount on whatever the first building we build there.
The king approves it. Tatzlford will be the name.

Then the Explorers we sent out get back. In Hex A2 they met a dryad who has requested the king’s assistance in killing some creature killing her tree. There is some sort of dispute in hex B2 between a band of loggers and some sort of fey. In Hex G they found a giant abandoned keep crawling with undead.

So, we hire a messenger to send back in time to give instructions for the businesses we’re all running, and then we set off. This time we take Mikmek instead of Oxzig, because we want Mikmek to find some carrier pigeon eggs, or to help us befriend more random animals (he’s a ranger).

In Hex C2 we hear unintelligible cursing as we are riding through the woods. It’s something to do with kobolds. We investigate, but Mikmek and Nakpik are hiding because we don’t want them to get ganked.
We find some gnomish explorers who are surveying the area. They are looking for an ancient abandoned dwarven outpost. Their wagon has been lodged in a muddy bottom of a deep stream, and it is broken. Lumiriel uses Expeditious Construction to make a ramp, Krankor fixes the wagon with duct tape, and Pyria’s rhino haul it out. Apparently some random kobolds ambushed them. They weren’t Sootscale, there’s another tribe. As a reward, they show us their maps. And show us some sites in the Greenbelt.
They also feed us. Krankor is critical of their food attempts. Gnarlthropple is their leader, but they don’t want a job.

The next hex is B2, which has the loggers. When we arrive, there’s a strange standoff going on – on one side of the clearing is a camp with people lounging around, and then there are 2 loggers on the other obviously under an enchantment and guarding the trees.

The loggers are run by a man named Korax. Korax is a gruff angry person (possibly a great friend for Kressle!). He claims a nixie attacked them unprovoked. The nixie sticks her head up and defends herself. Her pond is surrounded by a grove of coachwood trees, which are a special kind of valuable lumber.

Krankor proposes settling this over a meal. It works. Krankor shows her the fey token and the nixie opens up a bit more.
With discussion, Shelynion determines the following – the nixie will let the loggers take the wood they’ve already cut down if someone provides new trees for her. There’s a dryad nearby who has feather tokens. All parties agree.
We stay there that night and Lauresselin talks to the nixie for a bit. Then we go visit the dryad.

When we arrive, the dryad Teressia
is weeping. A satyr is hiding in the tree branches keeping an eye on her. She’s hamming it up. She is in distress, she’s just trying to make it seem over the top. Her region of the woods are suffering from an evil carnivorous tree plant that really likes eating dryads, called a scythe tree. They are intelligent; they are just horrifically evil. They like to torture their victims before eating them. It’s in the Hex SE of here.

The dryad gives the feather tokens in advance, so Shelynion, Pyria, and Krankor go deliver them while the others stay to guard the tree. It rains the next day.

The stalemate breaks up. The nixie promises to watch along the river for any threats, which grants us+2 to stability.

Then we go off to kill the tree monster. Krankor cuts some of its wood for smoking food. Gross, and probably unethical. The dryad is very happy and gives us a bunch of treasure. Shewill also keep an eye out for threats in the forest which gives us another +2 to stability

She tries to warn us away from the fortress. There’s something called the Dancing Lady, an evil fey, that lives there. We’re pretty sure it’s baobhan sith – they dance and entrance people and then drink their blood, and sometimes turn them into undead. They are fey and not undead.

Buildings (Like Brothels)
5/20/17 Game

Important Notes:

Session Funnies:
Kevin: She doesn’t have a boob window?
Ted: No.
Gina: Boob windows are stupid. They are really good places to stick a sword. … Which is not a dick joke.

Ted: It’s much much bigger than you.
Alex: It’s not as big as my Diplomacy.
Gina: That WAS a dick joke.

Patrick: We need to disguise Krankor as its MATE to lure it into a false sense of security!
Alex: You don’t need to disguise me. I’m just that attractive.

Ted: Well, you are good at cooking things.
Alex: I don’t want to have a bun in the oven.

Ted: It could be your magnum opus! Cooking YOURSELF up and serving yourself as a meal!
Alex: Would I get a grit point for that?

Ted: Spending grit points to dodge attacks with a fork!
Alex: It IS a melee weapon!

Patrick: I cheat by coming back to life!
Ted: As a pixie, 100 years later, and a completely different gender?
Alex: My penis! It’s gone!

Ted: It was on its last legs. It’s dead now.
Gina: It’s a snake. It doesn’t have legs.
Kevin: It doesn’t anymore!

Gina: You could hit the one that Lumiriel is attacking.
Alex: I don’t know her yet. I don’t like her.
Gina: She’s purple.
Alex: It’s because she’s friends with that ELF WENCH.

Alex: That’s a 25 for snake cooking. It’s fucking delicious.

Ted: I thought it was strange that they required the foundry to be on the water.
Kevin: You have to dump your industrial waste somewhere!

Kevin: I just heard Patchwork Rhino. I don’t know what they are but I want one!

Gina: Aurelimar feels ashamed that he rolled so badly.
Kevin: As a Swift Action?
Gina: No, feeling ashamed is an Immediate Action.

Ted: Patrick eventually will be building a headquarters for the Legion of Skittering Dragons.
Gina: In the sewers!
Ryan: Do you want an adventurer problem? Because that’s how you get an adventurer problem!

Pranav: Can I build a ninja clan in the sewers?
Ted: Yes. The Foot Clan can absolutely be a thing.

Gina: Extraplanar prostitutes. That’s what this entire conversation is about.

Alex: Kevin only hires level 6 Paladins who are immune to disease.
Pranav: Just don’t skip out on the bill.
Kevin: Oh yeah. Don’t. Or you will be SMOTE.

Kevin: Alex, would you eventually be willing to outfit my prostitutes with cybernetics?

Kevin: I’m totally schmoozing.
Ted: Promoting the cause!
Gina: The cause of opening a brothel.
Kevin: The BEST cause!

Alex: She hates you so much that she calls you Ishiguro.


Quest Hooks:

  • Tatzlwrym – complete!

Notable Locations:

  • V – nothing
  • U – Tatzlwyrm
  • N – resource – old growth oak
  • O – nothing


  • 3 Desnus – Party leaves to go exploring and arrives in Hex V
  • 4 – 5 Desnus – Exploring Hex V
  • 6 – 7 Desnus – Exploring U, fight with Tatzlwyrm
  • 8 – 9 Desnus – Exploring N (thunderstorm on second day)
  • 10 – 11 Desnus – Exploring O
  • 14 Desnus – Arrival in Torch to turn in Tatzlwrym
  • 15 Desnus – Arrival in Thornfall
  • 16 – 22 Desnus – Kingdom Week – turn 2
  • 22 – 31 Desnus – 3 weeks of Downtime
  • 1 – 7 Sarenith – kingdom turn 3
  • 8 – 30 Sarenith – 3 weeks of Downtime
  • 1-7 Erastus – kingdom turn 4 – Varia party at the Inn; Resist’s birthday
  • 8 – 31 Erastus – 3 weeks of Downtime. Krankor’s restaurant begins to be built

Game Notes:
Since half the group was running late, the party decided to go exploring at the beginning of Desnus rather than doing the kingdom turn right away. So, we gather up all of our new cohorts (Oxzig for Pyria and Lumiriel for Lauresselin) and head to the forest to explore. Hex V is really boring and has nothing in it.
Hex U, however, is home to 3 tatzlwryms with a lair in the middle of a small stream. The now extremely large party tears into them and kills them. Krankor decapitates them and prepares their heads for transport. One is to be delivered to Oleg, per his bounty, and Pyria claims another one for her planned trophy room at the Legion of Skittering Dragons’ headquarters, to be built soon. King Shelynion claims the third for the Adventurers’ Guild he plans to build eventually.
Hex N has stands of old-growth oaks, which the kingdom can use as a resource when it expands that far. We hide from a thunderstorm… somewhere. Krankor works his survival magic.
Hex O also has nothing, and at this point everyone is present, so the party heads back to Torch to turn in the head.
While we are there, Lauresselin and Resist go to question Kressle about the green glass crystals. After some elaborate setup, Resist asks her about them, and she says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. So Lauresselin pulls one out. It shatters, and the image of a woman appears briefly, and then Kressle collapses. Resist and Lauresselin examine her and determine that she’s fine, but she’s had her memory wiped up to the point that she joined the bandits. The crystal was some sort of scrying foci, and Kressle was probably under some kind of geas. She did not know that she was carrying it around. The person using it COULD have been the same person who scried on us in the forest, but it is impossible to tell from the information we have.

Krankor sits down with her, now that her banditry ways have been erased from her mind, and manages to get her friendly to him. The King decrees that just because she can’t remember being a bandit does not alleviate her punishment, so Krankor works out with him and Dolga and Oskah a community service program. Resist sets his trainee ninjas to tail her as practice, with the stipulation that if she sees them, she gets to kick their butts.

We then return to Thornfall and do our actual jobs.

At this point, the party decides that we all have things we want to work on in downtime, and we do not want to lose a lot of resources while adventuring, and we don’t have sufficient buildings yet to hire managers, so for the next two months, we remain in Thornfall, working on the kingdom and on our various projects.

At the start of the 4th kingdom turn, Varia comes to talk to Shelynion with a proposal to build a manor quarter for us and the various nobles with us. She is willing to invest half the cost herself. We spend a pleasant evening talking with her and find that she likes moon radishes (Krankor cooks some amazing moon radish soup). We generally find out that she is a nice person, that she may have had some martial training at some point, and that she is most likely what she says she is – a noblewoman looking for a new life. Shelynion agrees to her proposal for the manor.

Downtime Plans:
Krankor is working on a restaurant.
Pyria is working on a headquarters for the LSD.
Resist is working on establishing his spy network.
Ishri is working on a brothel.
Lauresselin is working on a forge and tower for crafting magical items.
Shelynion is working on being king and also a bard.

The Founding of the Kingdom
5/6/17 Game

Important Notes:
Ted needs to roll up a cleric of Abadar to be our High Priest, or at least to come scope things out – she is a female Elf named Mariel

Session Funnies:
Ted: So. Where are you going to from here?
Kevin: Celebratory Orgy.

Patrick: An orgy isn’t a good idea. All the cursed ground means that your children would be dhampirs.
Kevin: How else are we going to uncurse it? The blessing of LIFE!
Patrick: …Go on.
Alex: Lay-deeez.

Pranav: Nakpik is going to set a swarm trap to summon a swarm to attack the swarm.

Alex: We have fangberry pie tonight! There’s a grilled balsamic spider leg drizzle on the top!

Ted: You are basically Walker Texas Ranger.
Alex: Fuck yeah!
Kevin: It does mean you are required to roundhouse kick someone at least once a month.

Ted: Finnan is in charge of the escort service
Ryan: I didn’t know it was that kind of caravan.

Kevin: Now you have to have a bard-off!
Ryan: I’ve been to bard-offs. Usually it involves getting shit-faced.

Gina: He’s a tiefling bard!
Kevin: That can be abbreviated ‘tard’!
Pranav: Would a tiefling fighter be abbreviated as a tie-fighter?
Kevin: Probably!


  • Mikmek – one of the League of Skittering Dragons, a kobold cavalier
  • Okzig – one of the League of Skittering Dragons, a kobold hunter
  • Mira Altew- caravan master warrior type, a female half elf mercenary with red hair – we have made her Warden, once she is done with her caravan duties
  • Finnan High-hill – halfling hunter, male survivalist; he is in charge of the caravan escorts; a generally relaxed and jovial fellow
  • Grigori – a tiefling bard; he and Shelynion hit it off well, and he has been appointed as councilor; he came because of the possibilities of material for epic tales and songs
  • Ajah the Firebrand – male ifrit, fire specialist, mixed classes
  • Meyanda – unknown race, possibly of Inevitable heritage with at least some cleric levels, hired as the caravan healer; she didn’t want to tell us her deity; something about her seems a little off, but she’s not hostile or anything
  • Mariel – a female elven cleric of Abadar, traveling to Thornfall to evaluate the possibilities and potentially to become our High Priest(ess)
  • Lumiriel – a female peri-blooded aasimar (emberkin) – arcane soldier, eldritch battlemage, favored of Ragathiel; she is hoping to get a position to found a military school because she believes that if the worldwound isn’t taken care of, it’ll consume the world, maybe was part of the crusade, forging bonds with outsiders or using magic to enhance military
  • Varia – female human aristocrat, she doesn’t want anything to do with Lavius, she’s pretty nice, a little naive, she’s got a bunch of servants and fancy covered wagon, this is all kind of an adventure, she’s deliberately trying to mysterious, Shelynion thinks she’s Galtan (that’s a nation that’s southeast of Restov)
  • Lavius – male human aristocrat, thinks commoners are all scum – he’s here because he sees an opportunity and wants to keep the rabble in line (he might get eaten on the way to Torch under mysterious circumstances)
  • Hiemried, Romar, and Kaina – dwarven thugs – we’re sure they’re up to no good

Quest Hooks:

Notable Locations:
Thornfall – first settlement of the kingdom


  • 31 Pharast – a thunderstorm traps the party at the Stag Lord’s fort
  • 1 Gozran – An even worse thunderstorm!
  • 2 Gozran – Party travels to Hex W and explores
  • 3 Gozran – Party kills some spiders and picks fangberries; Krankor cooks some
  • 4 Gozran – Party sets off for Bokken’s – it’s freezing
  • 5 Gozran – Party arrives at Bokken’s and delivers the fang-berries, then travels to Torch
  • 8 Gozran – Mira’s first caravan arrives in Torch
  • 9 Gozran – Ishri, Lauresselin, and Pryia leave for Restov with Mira’s caravan; Shelynion, Resist, Krankor, and Nakpik leave with the settlers for the settlement site
  • 11 Gozran – Thornfall is founded; the Kingdom of Blackwall comes into being (first kingdom turn begins)
  • 13 Gozran – Ishri and co and the caravan arrive in Restov
  • 14 Gozran – Lauresselin begins crafting the jewelry and the Headband of Alluring Charisma
  • 15 Gozran – Mira’s second caravan leaves for Torch
  • 17 Gozran – Lauresselin finishes the jewelry and the headband
  • 18 Gozran – Lauresselin starts crafting the Banner of Ancient Kings
  • 19 Gozran – Mira’s second caravan arrives in Torch
  • 20 Gozran – Mira leaves for Restov
  • 24 Gozran – Mira arrives in Restov
  • 25 Gozran – Ishri and co and Mira’s third caravan leave for Torch
  • 26 Gozran – Lauresselin finishes the Banner of Ancient Kings
  • 30 Gozran – Mira’s third caravan arrives in Torch
  • 1 Desnus – Kingdom Turn 2 begins
  • 2 Desnus – Ishri and company and the final caravan reaches the settlement

Game Notes:
The game begins with the party at the fort of the Stag Lord. Due to the amount of stuff we have to carry, the party decides to remain there that night to use Anthaul to move it back to Torch. The next day, however, a thunderstorm blows in, and we remain in the fort to have shelter. A second, much larger, thunderstorm comes the following day.

On the fourth day, the party is finally able to leave. We travel west to Hex W, where the fangberries are located. Two days are spent searching it, and eventually we find the field of fangberries. Unfortunately, it is home to a lot of spiders. Lauresselin uses ghost sound to lure the spiders out of the webs, and two large swarms of them come out. Nakpik sets a trap, several other people back up, and the spiders attack several of us. Lauresselin takes strength damage but manages to hit both swarms with burning hands and incinerates them.

The rest of that day is spent gathering fangberries. Lauresselin lies around uselessly because she now has a 4 strength. Krankor cooks up some of the fangberries, which apparently taste amazing, especially with Krankor’s phenomenal cooking skills.

The following day is freezing cold, but we set off for Bokken’s place anyway. Nakpik is bundled up in blankets and rides with Lauresselin so he does not die of the cold.

Bokken is very appreciative and offers to sell us discounted potions, but Resist can make them for even less, so we do not buy any. The party then returns to Torch.

Oleg is thrilled about the defeat of the Stag Lord and throws a small party. In addition, the jail is now complete, and the bandits are imprisoned there. The party goes to talk to Kressle to find out more information about the curse, and we are able to determine that the fort is surrounded by ground with Cursed Earth on it, a 9th level cleric spell. The party is currently unable to dispel that.

The party spends a couple of days in Torch going over plans for where to found our kingdom and arguing about the Cursed Earth problem. On the third day, a large caravan of about 250 people arrives, led by a woman named Mira. She presents Shelynion with a new charter to found a kingdom and informs him that there are 2 more caravans coming soon.

We mingle with the people in charge of the caravan and its safety. Of particular note are Meyanda, Grigori, Ajah, and Fennan. Krankor talks with Fennan about the fey, and he says that it is likely to be one of the trickster fey.

The following day, Mira sets off for Torch. Ishri, Pyria, and Lauresselin go with her to run several important errands, while Shelynion, Resist, Krankor, and Nakpik set off with the settlers for the settlement site.

Ishri and company arrive in Torch. Ishri is able to find a priestess of Abadar to come with us to be High Priest and be in charge of the divine aspects of our kingdom. Lauresselin obtains crafting supplies for magic items and makes Shelynion a silver circlet and some jewelry, and she also obtains some noble’s clothing for him. She also crafts a Headband of Alluring Charisma for Ishri. Pyria provides moral support. When Mira’s third caravan leaves, Ishri and company, along with Miriel the Cleric, traveling with her.

In the kingdom, an Inn and a house are constructed, and Krankor starts a small chef business at the Inn. On 2 Desnus, the final caravan and Ishri and company arrive at the settlement. Lauresselin begins crafting a Banner of Ancient Kings the following day.

Kingdom Roles:

  • Ruler – Shelynion
  • Consort – None (optional)
  • Councilor – Grigori
  • General – Pyria
  • Grand Diplomat – Ishri
  • Heir – None (optional)
  • High Priest – Mariel
  • Magister – Lauresselin
  • Marshal – Krankor
  • Royal Enforcer – Chief Sootscale
  • Spymaster – Resist
  • Treasurer – Aurelimar
  • Vicery – None (not applicable at present)
  • Warden – Mira
Lions and Tigers and (Owl)Bears, Oh My!
4/29/17 Game

Important Notes:
Oleg and Val are now “helpful” towards the party, while Dolga and Oskah remain neutral.
Aurelimar has earned 6 Influence in Torch.
Ryan, Kevin, and Gina are still being pranked by the fey. Alex, Patrick, and Pranav are not, at least at present.

Session Funnies:
Alex: Nakpik’s character class is Chucklesniffer.
Ryan: That’s not a class, that’s a job.

Gina: They don’t hate me, but we’re not super friends.
Ryan: Wait, wait, are we building the Justice League?

Ted: Someone was probably scrying on you.
Ryan: I think it’s time to consult Jara.

Alex: Would he cook dinner for us?
Ted: I think it’s more likely that he would cook YOU for dinner. And yes, that was a racist bird joke.

Ted: Oh, they haven’t acted. The frogs are flat-footed till they act.
Pranav: They’re frogs. They’re always flat-footed.
Ryan: Wah wah wah.

Alex: Salted frog legs with a side of couscous! “Where did you get couscous?” I have my ways. (It’s actually frog poop.)

Alex: Sheesh, my golden turd is more diplomatic than your silver amulets!

Ryan: It’s half t-rex, half vuvuzela.

Patrick drops a bear mini on his own mini
Ted: A bear fell from the sky and killed you. Sorry.
Patrick: Drop Bears.

Alex: How would Erastul feel if I tore down this shrine and built it up as a shrine to Brigh?
Pranav: Just out of curiosity, are you considering a career as a bear? You could become an owlbear. Although in your case you’d be a crow-bear.

Ryan: I don’t know that we want to arm the fey.
Pranav: No, no, no, we get them drunk first, and THEN arm them.

Gina: I vote for building the prison ourselves.
Ryan: Does anyone else have any votes?
Pranav: Me and my -2 strength modifier say no manual labor.

Patrick: Do you think the fey would want a shaving kit?

Pranav: How many hit points do you have, Ryan?
Alex: I’m at 20 out of 20.
Pranav: I don’t care about you.

Alex: Nakpik and I hate each other. Resist and I are on good terms.
Ted: But Nakpik is slowly poisoning your relationship.

Ted: He gets a sneak attack
Gina: How does he get a sneak attack?!
Ted: Because he’s got a special do-hickey. And because he’s an asshole.
Ryan: And because he’s shit-faced.

Pranav: He has to make a Reflex Save every time he wants to “handle his weapon”. Which is covered in lube.
Gina: All the people that would enjoy your dick joke are not listening.
Ted: Wait, who made a dick joke?

Gina: I’m extremely reluctant to found a settlement on cursed ground
Alex: We founded America on Indian Burial Grounds!
Pranav: We ARE now experiencing Donald Trump.

*Raz Keshar – a lich, owner of Ishri and an acquaintance of Shelynion’s; a patron of the Simarith family bookstore (although they do not know he is a lich)
*Breeg – the dead jerk hunter

Quest Hooks:
*Scrying – someone is scrying on us; we have a signal to give if anyone notices the scrying spell (Nakpik will turn his scales bright pink while the rest of us will make a sign)
*The Bandits have been defeated
*Tuskgutter – dead, and we’ve gotten the reward

Notable Locations:

  • K – Kressle’s camp
  • I – Contains hot springs, the source of the Skunk River
  • J – Contains a temple of Erastus
  • P – Contains Tuskgutter’s lair
  • Q – contains a really really rickety bridge over the river; need to search fully
  • X – contains a ford; need to search fully


  • Pharast 18 – Start, at the Scar of the Spider
  • Pharast 19 – 20 – Searching Hex I, frogs and scrying
  • Pharast 21 – 22 – Searching Hex J, temple
  • Pharast 23 – Thunderstorms
  • Pharast 24 – 25 – Searching P, Tuskgutter
  • Pharast 26 – 27 – Traveling back to Torch
  • Pharast 28 – Day spent in town
  • Pharast 29 – Traveling south
  • Pharast 30 – Defeat of the Stag Lord

Game Notes:
Magical Timewarp: the last time we were in Torch, Aurelimar got a letter from Raz Keshar (the lich), a patron of the Simarith bookstore. He needs Aurelimar to transcribe a couple of ancient tomes, because he has someone who wants to borrow them, and he would rather pay someone he trusts to transcribe them than lend them to a relative stranger. It would take a couple of weeks, but he will pay 500 gp for this task. He included a sending stone in the letter so that Aurelimar could send a reply.

Aurelimar used the stone to agree, and a pair of old-looking tomes appeared next to him. They look very old, and they are written in Androphan. Aurelimar doesn’t need to translate them (and can’t, as he doesn’t know Androphan). Lauresselin uses Comprehend Languages, Linguistics, and Knowledge(Arcana) to determine that they are some kind of treatise on ancient magic and spell casting, including discussions of elements of using arcane and divine magic together. They are probably tomes used by a cult of Lamashtu.

While the party is off exploring, Aurelimar spends his time transcribing these two tomes and doing work for various people in town. In particular, he works for Oleg, Val, Oskah, and Dolga, and he manages to get Val and Oleg to helpful instead of neutral. In the two weeks we are gone, he does four days of work and (using downtime rules) manages to earn 6 Influence.

Back to the present! We continue exploring south and east. In Hex I, we feel watched. Nakpik spots a weird distortion floating in the air. As soon as he points it out, it vanishes. It was a magical Sensor! Someone was using either scrying or a detection spell. It was probably an active scrying spell. Lauresselin suggests a signal for everyone to make if we spot a scrying spell so that they don’t notice that they’re noticed, and everyone will turn on detect magic. Nakpik will turn his scales hot pink.

In the same hex, we find a set of hot springs that smell like sulfur. They are the source of the Skunk River. They are home to a pair of giant frogs, BTW, and we have to roll initiative right now. The frogs go down easily, and Krankor roasts them with a delicious sauce, which may or may not be made from frog poop. The rest of us swim in the hot springs.

In the morning, we all wake up to find that we have glowing blue mustaches, which were made with a spell similar to arcane mark. Everyone agrees that we need to leave another offering. Krankor wants to prank the fey back, so he persuades Lauresselin to use prestidigitation to turn a poop into a pile of gold. He also leaves shiny rocks. Shelynion and Lauresselin leave silver amulets, and Resist leaves a potion.

In the next Hex J, the party comes to a ruin. There’s a giant rock outcrop carved with an elk, with a pool in front of it and a cave up some steps beneath the elk. It is a shrine to Erastul (nature deity). Inside the cave is a giant undead bear monster, probably a man cursed by Erastus. Nakpik shoots it a ton, Ishri shoots it, and Pyria charges it and it’s dead. The shrine cleanses itself when the bear dies, and the pool becomes (possibly temporarily) a pool of Cure Light Wounds.

We don’t find any treasure, but we camp here and Lauresselin and Shelynion clean up the cave. The next day there’s a massive thunderstorm, and rather than get struck by lightening and turned into cinders, we stay in the cave again.

The next hex (P) has a fallen tree with a boar den, a really really big boar. Probably Tuskgutter. He’s out, so we are going to lay a trap. We dig a pit and Nakpik rigs a trap. We kill it in the pit. Krankor decapitates it and we eat its roasted flesh. The head we take back to Oleg.

We pass through Hex Q to get back to Torch, which we have not visited. There is a deep gulch that the thorn river passes through. There’s a rickety-looking bridge. We don’t cross the bridge because we don’t want it to collapse and all die (this is becoming a theme). So we head up-river into Hex K to detour around.

The next day while we’re out in the plains, we are surrounded by squirrels. Dozens and dozens of them, all asleep, around Shelynion, Ishri, and Lauresselin. Pyria, Resist, and Krankor are not. The squirrels wake up and freak out and bite the first three. Ouch! Lauresselin makes a little carving of wood of a sprite making a silly face. Shelynion attempts a performance, but he performs to empty woods.

When we reach Torch, we turn in the boar head to Oleg, who hands over the reward. We mention to him that we found the dead guy in a trap. The guy is named Breeg, and no one is sad that he’s dead. He’s a jerk, apparently.

The party decides to spend the next day in town, doing a variety of things. Lauresselin buys food for the party and spends some time with Aurelimar. She also collects the herbal liquor from him to use as offerings for the fey. Pyria sells her old armor and looks through the markets for something to use for her own offerings. Resist drifts through town talking to people. Ishri and Krankor just hang out around the bar.
Oskah stops by to talk to Shelynion about the prisoners. She wants to build a jail, which will cost 12 goods, 10 labor, and 2 influence. We can either donate the money, or do some of the labor ourselves. It would take us about a week or so. Shelynion gets input from the party and decides to give her the money.
Shelynion does his best Batman impression and talks to the bandits. Apparently they’ve been in a stable for the past three weeks and are cold. Kressle is much more willing to talk at this point.
She tells him that she was part of a group that was attacked by the Stag Lord’s bandits, and they attempted to rape her. It went very poorly for them. She killed them all. The Stag Lord was impressed, so he hired her instead of having her murdered. She thinks he is totally nuts, but he is very strong. His camp is an old ruined abbey on a hill. There’s only one entrance from the front. The ground around the fort is supposedly cursed and they have been told never to enter except by the front gate.

The king decides that The Time Has Come. The party departs to bring justice upon the unrepentant heads of the Stag Lord and his Barbaric Bandit Brigade.

We pass through Hex X, which we find contains a ford across the river. When we arrive, Nakpik does his thing and scouts the fort. We decide not to risk the cursed ground and go straight up the road. Shelynion goes out front, of course, to demand their surrender. Nakpik sneakily climbs over the wall in order to be ready to open it for us, while Pyria prepares to open up a hole in the gate using a portable ram strapped to her rhino’s face (which as always requires the use of the magic words “OH YEAHHH”).

The bandits, of course, try to fill Shelynion with arrows instead of surrendering. Pyria knocks on the door and invites us all inside. Nakpik starts murdering bandits from the shadows and they can’t see him even when he’s standing right in front of them. Krankor shoots everything repeatedly, while Ishri uses her crossbow, and her eidolon mauls things. Lauresselin gets one-shot and nearly dies, but Resist comes to her rescue and shoves a potion down her throat. She spends the rest of the fight lying on the ground shooting people with spells. Every round, more and more bandits come out, some along the roof and walkways, and Pyria decides to use her ram-faced rhino to break some pillars to knock them down. It works quite well. Shelynion and Ishri toss out some grease spells. One unlucky bandit gets greased and spends the entire rest of combat trying to get up and falling on his butt again. A swashbuckler guy come out, and he brings his friendly neighborhood owlbear to play. Lauresselin attempts to color spray them and gets only the swashbuckler, who is now the focus of the owlbear because it hates his guts. Resist color sprays the owlbear a second time and stuns it, and Krankor and Shelynion do a large amount of damage and kill it before it gets another round. We plan to take the swashbuckler prisoner, but Pyria, who is finally done with knocking bandits down and killing them, doesn’t hear and charges the guy and clefts him in twain. At this point, the one poor greased bandit curls up in a pathetic heap and cries, hoping we will think he is dead.

At last, the Stag Lord, roaring drunk, makes an appearance and shoots Krankor and then Pyria full of holes. The eidolon goes in to try and get his attention and then suddenly finds itself back on its home plane, so to speak. Ishri summons more dogs, and Shelynion greases the Stag Lord’s weapon (which is NOT a euphemism). He drops it because now it is slippery and takes out knives instead. There is some flanking and more stabbing, and Shelynion makes a dick joke. He gets pranked again by the mysterious fey, but his longspear manages to not get shrunk. He has a sign on his back that reads “now THAT’S a dick joke!” The Stag Lord goes down at last.

We loot all the corpses and discover that the one surviving guy crawled off in the middle of the fight. We send Nakpik around to search, and he comes back to tell us that there are creepy noises coming from the basement and he isn’t going down there alone! He knows how horror movies always play out, obviously.

We go down into the cellar and find a large trove of stolen goods but nothing making noises. We start sorting through it and then suddenly a crazy druid man comes out of the wall and attacks! We have to put him down. He is unfortunately actually mad, foaming at the mouth mad, and there is no talking to him.

We finish looting. Unfortunately, the Stag Lord is NOT one of those bad guys who writes down the entire plot in his journal, so we don’t know anything that we didn’t before. But he does have another of those green crystal shards. However, there is a massive amount of loot in the cellar, enough to give us 3 BP when we start our kingdom (or ~11,000gp, which is enough to make a Banner of Ancient Kings).

We begin to discuss where to start the kingdom and decide that that is a discussion that needs everyone present and more time to discuss.

A Tale of Two Show-Offs
4/22/17 Game

Important Notes:
The climate here is kind of like in Boston – winters can be quite cold and summers can be quite warm. It’s currently March (very early spring)
Aurelimar is looking for work in Torch as a scribe. He can make Profession checks periodically to earn a small amount of money.

Session Funnies:
Alex: What alignment is Brigh?
Ted: I think she’s Awful Neutral – Lawful, I mean.
Kevin: She’s Awful at being Neutral.

Alex: I’ll perform maintenance on my pistol every morning.
Kevin: It’s not really maintenance.
Alex: That was a dick joke.

Gina: Kevin, do you have Spellcraft?
Alex: My pony’s name is Spellcraft.

Ted: You find the body of two adventurers who were not nearly as lucky as Kevin to be able to cast Summon (Chump Blockers).

Alex: Oh, I thought you said it was a potion of DETECT Evil. Like you rub it on things to see if they’re evil!
Ted: It’s the pregnancy test strip of Detect Evil. “Here, will you go pee on this for me?”

Kevin: I’m weaker than a badger.
Gina: I have a 6 strength. What’s that?
Kevin: That’s the same as a pixie! The description is “knocked off balance by swinging something heavy!”

Patrick: Your pony is a normal pony.
Alex: Hey, my pony is named Charlie and is a fucking amazing pony.
Kevin: I thought his name was Spellcraft.
Alex: Oh yeah, I changed it. I forget it every five minutes.

Alex: So you’re telling me that all these mites watched us fight the centipede, watched Patrick strip a dead guy of armor, strip his own clothes off, and put on the armor, all for 10 minutes?
Ted: Yes!
Kevin: They’re like “This is incredible – what do you think they’ll do next?”

Ted: And there’s a sack under the table.
Ryan: Is it a sad sack?

Gina: What’s that snake?
Ted: He’s not there.
Kevin: The aptly named “Sir Not Appearing in This Scene”.

Alex: Are you saying that this “mite” be a problem?

Gina to Ryan: You are now the proud owner of a masterwork longspear. That’s not a dick joke. Though maybe it should be.
Ryan: I was about to say that.

Gina: I already like the kobold better than the Tengu.

Alex: The kobold is just going to hit on you, Gina.
Kevin: He’s a ko-BOLD.
Ted: She doesn’t have enough scales for that.

Ted: The mites are shaken!
Kevin: But not stirred.

Patrick: What does birdsong do?
Kevin: It summons birds.

Alex: This is a contest between Nakpik and Krankor. It’s like Gimli and Legolas.

Alex: Did we just make Nakpik the party face?

Alex: I’m going to walk in and do what the others are doing, but I want you to know that I'm imagining the Trial by Stone from the Dark Crystal.

Gina: I’m not racist against Tengus. I just don't like Krankor.

Ted: Is there anything else you want to do with the kobolds here?
Ryan: At this point in time-
Kevin: Disco party!

Ted: Congratulations, Ryan, you find a bear trap.
Kevin: The hard way.

Nakpik the Bold Kobold – Nakpik is now a rogue under Resist’s tutelage!
Chief Sootscale – Chief of the Sootscale tribe (aptly enough); he is amenable to joining the kingdom as either radish farmers or silver miners, or both, when the kingdom is founded
Tartuk – a very dead kobold shaman, formerly a gnome with a really messed up backstory

Quest Hooks:
The Sycamore and the Mites – complete!
Svetlana’s Ring – complete!
Kobolds – complete!

Notable Locations:

  • C: Contains a lot of bear traps
  • E: contains a sabotaged deadfall trap with a dead hunter in it
  • ??: contains the scrap heap, also known as the Scar of the Spider. We should come back here later
  • Y: kobold caverns

Game started on Pharast 1st.
Today is Thursday Pharast 12 (March).

  • Thursday Pharast 12– sycamore tree and then started towards the kobolds
  • Friday Pharast 13 – visited kobolds and then started back to town
  • Saturday Pharast 14 – made it to Torch
  • Sunday Pharast 15 – searched a red dot hex where we found nothing except an illusion affecting only Pyria
  • Monday Pharast 16 – searched hex C
  • Tuesday Pharast 17 – is cold out; explored hex E which contained the dead fall trap and a dead hunter
  • Wednesday Pharast 18 – reached the scrap heap, also known as the Scar of the Spider

Game Notes:
The Tale of Two Show-Offs begins with the two in question arguing about kill-stealing loudly and across the crevasse. Obviously this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Meanwhile, Ishri does something useful and searches the crevasse. She finds a bunch of loot, including full plate and several magical items. Pyria strips off her old armor and puts on the full plate while Lauresselin identifies the magic items with Resist’s assistance. Shelynion stands around looking kingly and graciously accepts the offering of a new masterwork longspear.
Down a very short hall is a large group of mites, creepily watching everything going on, especially the armor-swapping and the loud arguing. But they do not interrupt, because they are captivated by how amazing it all is.
The party moves forward once everyone’s activities are done, and the battle begins. The plan is to draw the mites forward into the hall while the casters use Grease and Sleep to make life more difficult. Krankor really wants to use his Alchemist’s Fire on the room, but everyone else vetoes that plan because we A) don’t want all the loot to burn up, and B) don’t want to burn alive when the tree catches fire (the first being of course more important than the second). Krankor is very disappointed.
As soon as combat begins, Pyria breaks ranks and moves into the room, disrupting the plan. Of course. Lauresselin complains and then puts some of the mites to sleep while Resist shoots more with Ray of Frost. Shelynion puts down a Grease spell and a bunch of them fall on their butts. Krankor shoots the leader Grabbles and sends him toppling to the ground screaming in pain, barely alive, and then he yells, “I WIN!” at Nakpik. Nakpik can’t take being outdone, so he throws his dagger, hits Grabbles in the eye, and kills him. He blows a giant raspberry at the now-raging Krankor.
The mites attempt to advance and many are killed by Pyria, Shelynion, and the eidolon. In the thick of things, a giant tick monster drops from the ceiling and grabs Pyria, biting her in the neck and draining away her blood. Ishri comes to the rescue and greases Pyria’s armor so that she can escape from the tick.
Krankor tries to summersault over a mite and hit the tick as he flies by, as the one-upping has to continue. He does manage to hit the tick, which is now almost dead, but he starts swearing, expecting Nakpik to kill-steal AGAIN. Lauresselin, vastly amused by the turn of events, gives Nakpik her longsword, since he no longer has a weapon. Nakpik does some handsprings and kills a mite in one swing. More cursing ensues.
Pyria escapes the tick’s grasp, and Krankor manages to kill it. He does a dance and taunts Nakpik.
The few remaining mites break and flee, but the party, angered by their treatment of the kobolds, hunts them down, and none remain.

In the middle of the room is a table with a map made out of dirt and twigs that shows the location of the kobold caves (hex Y) and the mites’ lair, along with a bloodstained ivory statue of some kind of draconic reptilian creature. Lauresselin hands it back to Nakpik (with the king’s okay, of course), and he begins dancing around and shouting about how Tartuk will now get his comeuppance before biting his hand in an attempt to silence himself. He does not want to talk, but Pyria and Shelynion carefully persuade him to spill the beans (with actual diplomacy, not pistol whipping).
Apparently there is a war going on between the kobolds and the mites. Nakpik doesn’t know what started it, but the most recent move was the mites stealing the statue, which is sacred to their tribe. It is supposed to represent a mighty winged kobold named Sharktooth (not that it looks anything like that). Nakpik and his friends came to get it.
The kobolds’ shaman Tartuk, who is apparently a jerk even for a kobold, which takes some doing, has been threatening the rest of the tribe and has usurped a lot of the chieftain’s power by exerting religious pressure. He has been claiming that terrible things that will befall the tribe if they don’t get it back, like a “mysterious curse” that turns dead kobolds yellow (the party thinks this is trickery). He is using the usurped power to demand things like a larger lair, and he has been inciting the tribe to be more aggressive towards the town. Nakpik is on the chieftain’s side and plans to return the statue to the chieftain, not to Tartuk, so that the chief can reclaim his power and the tribe can be rid of the ambitious Tartuk.

Also on the table is a paper with two columns labeled “Us” and “Them” showing the status of the war. Under US is “kobold statues and lots of spears and coins”, and under THEM is “magic ust, shiny human ring, and lots of coins”.

The party discusses the problem and agrees to accompany Nakpik to his tribe to help out the chieftain. Afterwards, the plan is to go to get the fangberries and then go back to Bokken’s place.

The next day, the party travels to the kobold lair, which turns out to be located in an abandoned silver mine. There’s a sign outside identifying it as “Oaktop Silver Mine). The tunnels are pretty cramped for humans, but the kobolds like them. Nakpik and a guard take us to see the Chief. Shelynion starts to talk to him, but Nakpik interrupts and hands over the statue while claiming getting us to help was all his own idea.
Chief Sootscale looks at the statue for a minute and then flips out, smashing it in a rage on the floor. The other kobolds in the room freeze, flabbergasted. The chief grins maniacally and thanks the party. Then he says, “hey, come help us murder the shaman because breaking the statue has broken the curse!”

So the Chancellor leads us to the High Priest and challenges him to Trial by Stone. Krankor sets the shaman on fire using the Alchemist’s Fire that’s been burning a hole in his pocket, while Pyria blocks the escape route. Tartuk swings at Pyria and misses so badly that he falls on his butt and dies from the fire.

Chief Sootscale graciously offers us the contents of the room in thanks for helping him out. There’s lots of loot, including Tartuk’s journal, which details his really messed up backstory. He was apparently a gnome in his first life. His town sent him to deal with some giants that were attacking, and instead he planned to sell out the town. The giants killed him, but somehow they still ended up getting defeated. The town in thanks reincarnated him and were a little horrified when he came back as his racial enemy, a kobold. He got in with a band of monsters and got them to slaughter the town and also get killed themselves. Since then he’s been running around causing kobold tribes to implode or getting them all killed by having them attack humans. Chief Sootscale is even more grateful when he is told about this.

Shelynion sits down with Chief Sootscale and convinves them to leave Torch alone. He also brings up the idea of having them join the kingdom, and they are definitely interested, both in mining silver and in radish farming. The party also decides to hire Nakpik as a rogue under Resist (Chief Sootscale is also a rogue), against Krankor’s protests, because everyone thinks he is hilarious. He is given a masterwork cold iron sickle, and the spears stolen by the mites are returned to the kobolds as a good-will offering.

When the party leaves, we find that all of our mounts have been decorated with flowers, especially the rhino. No kobolds were outside, so they don’t know what happened. We decide it was the work of some passing fey, and Shelynion is superstitious about fey, so we leave an offering of silver and shiny rocks (from Krankor’s new stash looted from Tartuk).

At this point, the party discovers that we are all short on rations, so we abandon our previous plan and head back to Torch to buy food. We also return Svetlana’s ring, which we found in Tartuk’s cave. After some debate, we decide to forage out westwards and explore.

The first hex we search is empty. Pyria, however, starts hallucinating about a goblin in the bushes mooning her and starts yelling at it like she’s crazy. The rest of the party is baffled but again decides that it must be fey and leaves another offering, which is snatched up before we can even blink. That hex is marked with a red dot and should probably be searched again, but we didn’t actually find anything.

In the next hex ©, we find a million bear traps. Shelynion steps in one, but Nakpik makes himself useful and manages to disable the trap to get him out (Krankor is jealous). The party discusses looting the bear traps, but they are only worth 2 gp and are quite large, so we don’t. But they are there if we decide we want them later.

In the next hex (E), the party comes across a deadfall trap with a dead hunter in it. He is laden with bear traps, and the ropes were cut, so we assume that someone got tired of his bear-trap-laying-ways and murdered him. Because we are cool like that, we bury him. Lauresselin carries a shovel for just such an occasion. (But because we are lazy, we don’t dig a terribly deep grave.)

In the next hex, we come to what Garret called “the scrap heap”. It is also know as the Scar of the Spider. It’s a cut in the land, a canyon, parts of which have vegetation in it. Foul black smoke is billowing out of it, and along the top edge are mounds. The party scouts along the top edge and discovers that the mounds are huge piles of scrap metal. There are mechanical creatures like the laser spider scuttling around cutting pieces and randomly welding them to other pieces, like they are just following the last instruction they were given. There is also a large deactivated robot lying around.

Krankor spots a sneaky beetle thing that is sort of invisible. It’s not actually invisible, just camouflaged, but all we can see is its outline. It is obviously guarding the mounds, and while it lets us walk around, we decide that we don’t want to die today and leave the mounds alone. Pyria votes for leaving the area and coming back later, but everyone else disagrees. Instead, the party goes down into canyon.

Just inside the entrance is a large pool with a giant robot that Krankor determines is on the verge of exploding and warns everyone not to mess with, except Nakpik, who he dares to touch it. But Nakpik is too smart for him. Lauresselin determines that a massive battle took place here a few weeks ago. A serious amount of divine nature magic, possibly druidic or fey, destroyed a large amount of mechanical devices, including the robot. Krankor identifies it as an Annihilator robot, which show up in Numeria every 400 or 500 years. They go on a rampage across the country abducting people and then eventually disappear. They are extremely powerful.

Further in, we come across a large patch of bright red mold filling the entrance to a cave. Inside we are able to see sheets of red-encrusted spider webs. (Ishri dares Krankor to eat some, but the Tengu is too smart for her). Lauresselin determines that it is one of those species of mold that take over living creatures, meaning that the cave is probably full of mold-controlled spiders that will try to murder us or take us over. The mold doesn’t grow in the sunlight, but Lauresselin determines with a mirror that it does not actually ignite or anything in sunlight.

At this point, everyone decides that Pyria is right, that this area is too high level for us, and we retreat with a plan to return at a later date.


Nakpik Saves the Day
4/15/17 Game

Important Notes:
We originally marked the caves as C. They are actually an L. The map has been updated accordingly.

Ted says to remind him that we’re looking for places to build settlements and forts and mines and such. There are places on the map that we get discounts or free resources if we put settlements and mines and stuff.

We are using the medium advancement track for experience and loot.

Session Funnies:
Alex: You don’t need to argue with Ted. His name isn’t Andy.
Kevin and Gina: Yes we do.

Ryan: What crap stuff are we talking about?
Gina: Craft stuff. Craft.
Ryan: Ohhhh!
Ted: Yes, no one needs to take a feat for Craft(Shit).
Kevin and Alex: That’s what YOU think.
Pranav: You need Performance!

Alex: I’m not playing Zelda anymore. I just started and I already set myself on fire.

Ted: This one has stuff you find automatically.
Kevin: You find AN AMBUSH.

Ted: You meet a crazy old hermit.
Ryan: Is it dangerous to go alone?

Pranav: When you said herald, I thought you said harem.
Ted: Would they all be Experts?
Kevin: But Experts at what?
Gina: Prostitution, obviously.
Kevin: The oldest profession.

Gina: I feel like there are no armed charges involved in politeness.

Ted: Alex, is your character a devotee of Brigh?
Kevin: You like cheese?

Kevin: They could be aphrodisiacs AND hallucinogens. That’s how you get half breeds.
Gina: That explains Krankor’s siblings.

Ryan: Mithril pots are lighter, and non-stick!

Kevin: He’s got a bigger and shinier Diplomacy than me.
Alex: Is that a dick joke?

Kevin: It’s not racist if it’s justified!
Patrick: You're never biased when you’re right!

Ryan: See how ugly they are?
Kevin: I am pretty okay with murdering those things. You don’t even have to tell me what their alignment is.

Kevin: For a minute I thought you said giant sized PIGS and spiders!

Ted: Pranav has a 6 charisma.
Gina: He’s a barrister. That’s to be expected.

Kevin to Shosty: I’d pet you if you didn’t lick me!
Gina: That’s not an option, Kevin, like you can’t NOT fight with Andy!
Kevin: True.

Alex: I crit with my gun.
Patrick: He’s dead, Jim.

Ted: I thought you said giving people passive butts.
Kevin: It’s better than giving them ACTIVE butts.

Kevin: Shosty, are you an active butt?
Gina: You have to ask?

Pranav: One mite’s treasure is another man’s trash.
Kevin: I think there's a whole lot more than one mite.

Ted: Starting your civilization on the basis of being a tourist attraction for giant centipede battles is a great plan!
Pranav: Or we can fill our dungeon where we throw prisoners with them!

Ryan: No, we just need to subdue the giant centipedes.
Kevin: For a second I thought you said seduce.
Ryan: Well, I don't know what you're into!
Ted: Our party is into all sorts of stuff.

Ryan: I am inspiring as fuck!

Alex: We can abandon his ass!
Kevin: No, you can’t! I’m not Andy!
Ryan: You should have taken fly if you didn’t want to be left behind!

Gina: The coke can is the spider – centipede?
Kevin: Spiderpede?

Alex: Is that a dick joke?
Gina: Not everything is a dick joke.
Kevin: I’m not sure I agree with that.

Patrick: I’ve got a rope and grappling hook, Kevin. Do you want the end with the rope or the end with the hook?
Pranav: Just get the hook in him. I’ll heal him afterwards.
Kevin: Let’s not try that method first.
Pranav: Time is of the essence here!


  • Bokken – “crazy” old hermit; he makes potions and makes them extra tasty. He will give us a discount on potions if we find some fangberries for him.
  • Nakpik – a Sootscale kobold we rescued from the mites
  • Grabbles – leader of the mites

Quest Hooks:

  • Bokken’s Fangberries – he wants some fangberries because he’s old. Enough to make a decent number of potions. He’ll give us a discount on potions purchased directly from him.
  • Treasure Map – the treasure map is NOT in hex R, where the sycamore is

Notable Locations:

  • L: Caves that might have kobolds in it. There’s a gold ore vein here! Good place to set up a mine eventually. We didn’t find any kobolds.
  • W: has fangberries here
  • D: where the hermit lives
  • R: Giant sycamore tree, formerly the haunt of mites and giant centipedes.

Game Notes:
The party leaves the kobolds to their radishes and continues exploring.

Hex H contains nothing of note besides the dead spider Krankor ruined. In Hex D we come upon a crazy hermit! Well, he’s not actually crazy. Shelynion and Pyria approach the house, with the rest of us strung out hobbit-and-Beorn-style. Shelynion did the talking, so he gets to be Gandalf. I guess that makes Pyria Bilbo.
The hermit’s name is Bokken. He is a potion maker and he is good at making them palatable. He can make potions of any second level or lower cleric or wizard spell. He is dubious about our presence at first but warms up to us after a short conversation. Since we are obviously adventurers, he has a request (of course, everyone does). He needs some fangberries to make his potions tastier and gives us directions on how to find them.
Shelynion asks about the bandits. He avoids them as much as possible, and the bandits leave him alone because he can defend himself. We buy some potions from him.
With that, we’ve explored all of the hexes around Torch, so we go back to town and deliver the radishes to Svetlana. She pays us 250 gp.

Then it’s back to exploring. Our plan is to go explore L more fully, where there may be kobolds, then hit the sycamore, get the fangberries, and then go back to the hermit.

In L we find a crack in the hillside and Resist sees something shiny inside. We explore. There’s a cave and we find a vein of gold ore! There is some discussion about hiding the vein, but in the end, we decide that we’ll leave it alone and not make it any more obvious (through our inept attempts) than it already is. But we’ve marked it on the map. Krankor uses his hammer to steal a little raw ore off of it.

Hex R has nothing interesting besides the giant sycamore. Fortunately, Krankor and Ishri are paying attention and spot several mites leaving the sycamore and bolting in different directions. There is some brief discussion (read: argument) over whether or not to try diplomacy with the mites. No firm conclusion is reached, because the players all know how this is going to go down (mites are ugly and eeeeeevil), but half of the characters would still try.

The entrance is in a hole in the ground (there lived a hobbit). Krankor tries to shove Pyria into the hole and then claims he was just goofing around. She gives him a frosty stare. Then both of them climb into the hole, followed by Shelynion, Resist, and Ishri. Lauresselin is left standing with all of the horses (and the pony and the rhino) and tells them that they are all idiots and we need to find a place to hide the horses. Krankor and Pyria sheepishly climb back out and help her find a small cave nearby. The rhino is told to GUARD. He looks very intimidating.

Then we all finally go into the cave. The hole leads to a tunnel going east and west. We go east and find a room with a bunch of giant centipedes, one mite, and a bunch of giant centipede eggs. Krankor and Pyria are in front and don’t want to try diplomacy, so they attack. There is no loot here, besides the centipede eggs. They may be worth about 250 gp if we can find someone to sell them to. But they are large and heavy, so we leave them there.

The next room is full of mites and what they would consider treasure but is really trash. The party attacks, but a few of them escape down the tunnel. The only treasure here is a book containing 2 cleric spells that Resist can learn. Since they fled east, the party decides to go back to the west and come at them from a different direction. After another room and some more dead mites, the party comes to a room where several kobolds are strung up over a large crevasse. They have obviously been tortured to death. One of the kobolds is still alive. The entire party is not okay with this, so a valiant rescue is enacted. Several more of the mites flee, but the rest are killed. Resist heals the kobold, who is extremely grateful. So grateful that he actually deigns to dirty his tongue with Common.

This kobold is another Sootscale, and his name is Nakpik. He is the last surviving member of a band of kobolds that tried to attack the nasty blue mites in order to reclaim their Sacred Statue, stolen by the mites. He believes that Grabbles, chief of the mites, probably has it. He asks us to help. The party agrees. In keeping with the theme of the Hobbit, Nakpik gets to be Golum, and clearly the Statue is the Ring. (It’s probably actually a piece of trash. Either that or a 20 ft golden idol).

The mites fled across the crevasse, which is crisscrossed by a large number of roots of the sycamore. Some of the party try to jump, and others try to climb. Shelynion, Krankor, Resist, and Lauresselin (the latter to some astonishment) jump over. Pyria attempts to help Ishri jump across, but both she and the eidolon fall into the pit. It’s not deep, but it turns out that there is a MASSIVE centipede in it.

In the epic battle with the monster, the eidolon is killed and returns to its home plane. Ishri backs up and begins to frantically summon celestial dogs as magical meat shields. Some of them even do damage to it. The centipede is confused and can’t figure out where all these dogs keep coming from and why they disappear just when they are dead enough to eat.

Nakpik runs back to the previous room to arm himself. Pyria tries to throw a rope to Ishri after failing to damage the centipede with his sword but fails. Krankor unloads his gun repeatedly on its tough hide, while Resist and Lauresselin pelt it with Ray of Frost. Shelynion waves his magical banner and encourages us with his impressive oratory skills, which magically makes everyone more efficient at killing things. Nakpik runs in with his dagger and makes a valiant attack, taking down the centipede at last with a grandiose move.

Nakpik and Krankor have an argument about kill-stealing. It is as absurd as you might think an argument between a little lizardman and a giant anthropomorphic crow about killing things would be. They are both extremely self-centered.

We end the game with Nakpik and Pyria on one side of the crevasse, Ishri down below, and the rest of the party on the far side. 11 total mites have escaped, 1 of whom is injured for 4 damage. Shelynion has one more round of Bardsong available for the day.


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